07/11/2014 07:43 GMT | Updated 07/01/2015 05:59 GMT

Mrs Mountable on 'The Comedy Cannibal at Large'

Reality TV star of "Celebrity Carwash" and presenter of "The Voice Factor" backstage companion show "I'm doing this for my dead hampster", Mrs Mountable shares her thoughts on the week's main event

As I have detailed previously to my loyal and widespread following, my loyalties to the once proud and unbowed David Cameron have taken a turn for the faltering, since I became au fait with the silver fox, and silver tongued, plain speaker Nigel Farage.

He just makes sense dears, and I'll tell you for why.

Ever since David let us all down with his insistence upon DESTROYING the institution of Christian marriage with his equality waffle, I have come to think less of him.

Whereas previously, his iron fisting of the welfare state and it's scroungers, left me gasping for a multi palpitational, breath of admiration, this issue has disappointed one immensely.

It's beyond one.

Slinking in stage far-right however, is the imposing jocular form of the man of the moment, Nigel.

He has amongst his ranks many who feel. as I indeed do, that liberal namby pamby cosseting of those who can and THOSE WHO WON'T must end.

One and many ones like one, feel that Fritz and Jean Claude must be stopped from destroying all that is holy, good, decent and beautiful in this fair land with their "equality this" and "diversity that" waffle.

I'm also very concerned with the infiltration of show-business by these types who would, at the drop of a hat have all The Archers speaking French by tea time.

It was with some sadness that I note, a young man, a young comedy-man, faced a similar onslaught of ATTACK and BULLYING when he attempted to pose the very real points that :

1)Women aren't funny.

b)Ukip is correct.

5)The BBC is run by hippies.

I am able to recall "so called" summers of love and I can assure you those dark days still haunt my thoughts, as being ones during which, front bottoms were waved around willy-nilly and were, as memory serves "hallucinogenic heavy" and "deodorant light"


If the BBC insists on this type of thing, I shall protest with my keyboard, utilising the finest of all broadcasting traditions, as only a decent person can; a strongly worded letter of complaint.

They ignore a mother's tears at their peril.

Some other comedy-mens have addressed the issues raised by young Andrew. To use comedy-mans vernacular:

An English man, an Irish man and a Scots man walked into a bar.


Because they are wrong, wrong, wrong and young Andrew is far RIGHT, RIGHT, RIGHT-err than they could ever be.

It's just free speech in the face of all this "PC gone mad" and in the case of that Bruce Lee, a comedy-man whom I note attempted to BAN JESUS, well, what more can one say, that one hasn't seen said, by sense sayers, before?

If it wasn't for the fact that he is married to Agatha Christie, whose books I have enjoyed on many occasions, well, there would simply be nothing to recommend him.

The murdering of truth, by him, IS NO MYSTERY TO ME.

Anyway inspired by Andrew's fearlessness, I equipped myself with tape recorder, and embarked on an odyssey of enlightenment to check whether others felt as Andrew and Nigel and myself do, do, that there is at play in the heart of popular humour, a secretive, liberal, comedy cannibal.

I located in the darker reaches of town a public house, offering open microphone evenings of comedy. Here I found amongst the "bra burning this", and "my old man is a dustman" that, type of comedy-man, a young man, very much in the mould of those who would find no shame is alighting the stage at the next Ukip conference.

We talked at length and it was most illuminating. Which is more than can be said for the dreadful, urine drenched corridor, which we inhabited for our conversation.

In conclusion, I'm adhering to Peter Patrickson's wishes to remain entirely anonymous, by giving him a hilarious punning word play fake name.

Take that liberals.

Here he is, for your enlightenment.

My compelling interview with MANDREW

Take care, Your friend Mrs M x

Follow Mrs Mountable for more wisdom on Twitter @MrsMountable