24/02/2012 06:16 GMT | Updated 25/04/2012 06:12 BST

Tales From the Middle of Nowhere (Vol. 2): Where I Get Hammered at the Brit Awards


Well... Can't remember when the last time was we spoke... To be honest I'm having trouble remembering anything after the Brits! What a smash up!! Well enjoyed it. It'll probably be the last time I ever get nominated so we were pretty determined to rip it a new arsehole, and from what I can gather we had a right good crack at it too.

It's all got a bit too slick that thing now though, it's treated with a bit too much respect, if you ask me... It is but a TV show with a few awards carved up and spread around... And if I'm not very much mistaken did I detect the faint whiff of a few wrong 'uns miming? I think I did... You know who you are and you should be ashamed of yourselves. I digged Coldplay though, and Blur and Olly Murs' dancers!! (Blimey!!!)

As for what went on after? Reports are still coming in. I remember going to a party on a boat.

I remember going to another party in a posh gaff in the West End. I remember getting that comedian Rob Brydon to do his thing for us (which was fuckin' funny). I remember... well not much else, to be honest.

Called it a day at about 10am!! Proper old school business. Didn't get home until 5pm the next evening and I'd somehow managed to nick a giant shoe and ended up with an £8000 watch!!! And I don't even wear a watch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Felt as bad as I've ever felt yesterday. I was seriously thinking of phoning in sick.

I needn't have worried though. Last night's gig here in Newcastle was mega... Might have been the best one yet. Had a top laugh with the crowd. A great night. If you were there, I thank you.