I'm proud to say I was recently asked in my role as @Themultidad to work with Ella's Kitchen and become part of the Ella's 'family' to share our experience of weaning the twins... As a part of this, we were asked what being a dad means to me.... Mmm - challenging to answer before a latte, I thought!!
So, I thought I would try and answer in 'blog' form, because that's what you do as a parent isn't it?!
FIRSTLY, to recap, what qualifies me to speak about this subject? Well, I'm 36-year-old designer lens wearer who never wanted kids, loves sports that take all day long, enjoys over-priced craft lager and has been trying to carefully curate the best quiff in the South of England since 2009 - I think the latter has and is failing!!
BUT, I am now dad to twins AND a threenager, making me @themultidad
A life changing situation, so, to eliminate the need for the generic twin questions, here are the answers:
1) Naturally conceived
2) Non identical
4) Finn (3 years) Nelly & Teddy (newly born twins)
5) None in the family
For me, when I started to think about what being a dad is all about, it led me to think of similarities between the workplace and parenting - 'what's he talking about I hear you ask...' Now, I don't work in a soft play centre and I'm not saying you can only be a good parent if you're high flying in the workplace, BUT, what I am saying is that some of the skills at work and home overlap.
The combined job description for me is something like this:
•Give your time to be a good listener - both your wife, children and colleagues talk a lot.
•Don't lose your shit in a meeting. We have implemented 'board meetings' at home.
•Manage your time well - if I read one more thing about routine...
•Compromise but don't be weak - it's ok to have the iPad, but not all day!
•Teamwork - still working on this
•Willingness to work long hours
•Multi-task - working from home is an option
•Strong stakeholder management - experience with threenagers is a must.
•The art of negotiation
So, what do I mean by 'you get out what you put in'?
Well, for me it means sacrifices in terms of your own life and it means putting them first, EVERY TIME! Multi-dadding is tough, relentless and demanding... there simply isn't enough gloss in Homebase, B&Q and Wickes put together to cover that statement up!
So, I am now resigned to the fact that exotic holidays, golf trips, nice cars, pristine homes, healthy looking bank balances and regular eight hours drinking sessions with the lads on a Friday evening are all HIGHLY unlikely or in-frequent event, BUT, it's going to be a great journey..
If you're willing to make these sacrifices, swap booze for bedtime stories (or combine them as a compromise), swap golf days for train track building and swap exotic holidays for soft play days, then you have successfully shifted your focus to the children and offered them the one thing in my experience they want above expensive presents, fancy holidays and meals out... your TIME!!
Our threenager, Finn, thrives on one-to-one time, whether that be playing football in the garden or spending hours whizzing cars from 'Cars' the movie and then lining them up, followed by a GSCE like exam test as to whether I know all their names - this is what he LOVES the most and it's what I have come to love doing more than drinking eight pints after work (well, most of the time).
As an example, I arrived home from work last week, and as I do every day I asked Finn 'how was your day little man?' He said 'It was OK thanks Daddy, how was your day bud, did you have a coffee and meetings?' A small chat that NEVER fails to make me smile or laugh and has derived from a special bond that we have, and it may not sound like much, but 'I just got out what I put in' (and more)
With twins also now in the mix, the sacrifices and challenges have become even greater, especially balancing the share of time with each of them... BUT, I'm hopeful that the next elected government implements a 25-hour day, with the extra hour exclusively for parents. But until then, our planning for play dates, activities, things to do and ways to entertain all the family remain our focus to maximise our time with Finn, Nelly and Teddy.
Ultimately for me, being #themultidad is a game of patience, investment of time and lots of sacrifices.... but the sacrifices and patience lead to a very different and non-financial return on investment, a return in the form of a smile, a laugh, a funny comment or a moment that is just 'one you had to be there for'.
So, just like work right? 'You get out what you put in....'
Follow my journey as a dad of twins and a threenager themultidad