29/03/2012 18:16 BST | Updated 29/05/2012 06:12 BST

LMFAO - Music's Lowest Ever Point?

This week James Cameron broke the record for reaching the deepest depth of the ocean. This got me thinking.

Mainly it was whether he saw any aquatic mole-people down there? I then thought maybe the (scientific???) pressure down there would be so immense that it would make it impossible for anyone to swim down there. I finally thought that if a mole-person can live in the centre of the Earth then surely they could pop on a snorkel and go for a swim at the bottom of the ocean. I then lay down in a dark room.

When I awoke I had something stuck in my head. I wasn't sure what it was, but it felt like a rage-migraine. It turned out to be a song by the pop-abomination that is called LMFAO. As I was preparing to bash my head against the wall to 'smash-away the badness' I thought to myself that after James Cameron's record-breaking expedition there is another landmark that needs to be announced - surely LMFAO and their music mark the lowest point in the history of recorded sound.

I think this because of several factors. Firstly the music is truly awful. Its 'rip-your-hair-out-and-head-butt-the-pope' bad. LMFAO sound like a drunken elephant with keyboards for feet trying to tap-dance. In one particular verse of their single I'm Sexy and I Know It, the lyrics are simply the word 'wiggle' repeated, followed by proclamations of how the singer is in fact, 'the wiggle'. Granted, their music is infectious, but so is syphilis. I'm not even going to mention how stupid their name is, as it is quite obviously the worst name for a music act ever (yes, including good ol' Engelbert Humperdinck).

That's not to say that music hasn't been bad/woeful before, everyone can remember the Crazy Frog and Mr Blobby dropping hit songs back in the day, but these were fictional characters that came out with one annoyance then faded back into the depths of hell. LMFAO are actual humans. They are middle-aged men who dress like inter-galactic sex offenders, whose sole purpose on Earth is to dance badly and encourage others to do likewise. The band members, Redfoo and SkyBlu are descendants of Berry Gordy, the founder of Motown. This is as insulting to music as Charles Darwin's descendants starting the Creationist movement would be to evolution.

The band were nominated for a Grammy this year and sang with human-scarecrow Madonna at the Super-Bowl half-time show this year in front of 111.3 million people. Well done music world.