23/07/2013 12:41 BST | Updated 22/09/2013 06:12 BST

The Friendly Girl's Guide to Becoming More Approachable


There's a wild misconception amongst women that we have to do something extreme to be noticed by men; be the most beautiful woman in the room or be insanely outgoing or nobody will ever know you're there. It's quite the contrary. Chances are that men are keen to approach you, but they're not sure you'd be interested. Here's a few key things to keep in mind when you're out and about.

What Your Body Language is Saying

Body language is the most important thing in appearing approachable. What is appealing about someone who perhaps has arms crossed, with a furrowed brow or bored look? Most men will assume that type of body language means you're generally uninterested in the current situation (party, bar scene, happy hour) and would rather be somewhere else. Why would he make the effort?

Two of the simplest things you can do are smile and decide to have fun. Even if you happen to be in a lame bar with awful music, make the executive decision to laugh about it and be engaged with your surroundings. Choose to make eye contact with your friends and the other people around you. When people are enjoying themselves, they're always more attractive.

Remember the things not to do as well: don't keep your phone out and don't drink too much. Nothing screams, "I'm bored" more than constantly checking your phone. Also, being sloppy makes you unapproachable. There's nothing wrong with enjoying a drink or two, but keep it manageable.

Consider Your Group

It's imperative to consider the group of people you go out with if you're looking to meet someone new. Put yourself in his shoes - would you want to walk up to a large group? Would you try and talk to someone surrounded by the opposite sex? Probably not - it's completely intimidating! Try and keep your crew both female and small scale.

Unless it's something like a bachelorette party, it's best to take a few fun girlfriends out on the town. It keeps things casual and approachable, rather than an intense get together or official 'event' that might ward off potential suitors. A large group implies that they might interrupt something or get in your way. After all, nothing frightens men more than a pack of women singing 'I Will Survive' in a group karaoke effort. If you find yourself in a girl's night out situation, take a few pals and check out the rest of the venue. It will give your earlier admirers a chance to approach you, and give new suitors a chance to check you out.

Be The Kind of Girl Who You Would Want to Approach

You will always seem more approachable if you are confident and comfortable being yourself. If you were a guy, would you want to approach the most obnoxious girl in the bar, or the one in the corner who looked nervous? Chances are, you'd want to find the carefree, pretty, fun-loving one. Since you already happen to be her, it's time to show the world. Putting effort into getting ready doesn't mean you have to be completely glam, but it shows that you take care of yourself and that you know you are high value. Take a walk on the wild side with your wardrobe, and choose something fun or bold to accent your outfit. Consider bright shoes or an interesting necklace to give the LBD some of your own personality.

If you're considering the mysterious and aloof approach, I would reconsider. Men interested in the chase are looking for that exclusively. Once the chase is over, the fascination vanishes. The quality of guy you attract will come directly from the quality and value you exude. Keep confidence, body language, and attitude high value and friendly.

Make it Comfortable for Him

He's mustered up the courage to talk to you, so meet him half way! Help guide the conversation to cue that you're grateful he made the effort. Take observations from the evening to generate camaraderie, 'Did you see the guy wearing the top hat break dancing?' or 'I can't believe they played Eye of the Tiger twice already'. It builds common ground, so the getting-to-know-you questions aren't so bland. It also reaffirms that you were having fun, and that talking to him just happens to be a bonus.

The obvious fact is that being approachable results in more phone numbers and first dates, because you're presented with more opportunities to meet someone new. Remember next time you're out, to smile, laugh and mostly - have fun! You might just meet someone in the process.


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