24/02/2016 05:50 GMT | Updated 23/02/2017 05:12 GMT

The Brain Throws a Tantrum

Alternative title: It's after midnight and I'm still lying on the bathroom floor (this is becoming a theme it seems) ... My stomach hurts, the world is spinning and my head is screaming. Painkillers haven't touched the raging neurons and I'm seriously starting to consider removing the angry mass with a spork and dipping it in ice water. Alas I have no spork, my spork is in my desk drawer at work ... Damn it spork.

For five days my brain has alternated between being a monstrous ball of pain and being a playpen for hyperactive gerbils who like to crap everywhere ... And boy do they crap everywhere!

Sleep has been my best friend, consuming far more hours of it than I usually do just to appease the noggin for a little while longer. Escaping into a whole different world, dreaming of places so different to the one I inhabit when I open my eyes, a pain-free care-free existence that may or may not look like an early episode of "Wayward Pines" based on a barista at the local coffee bar (btw did anyone else think Dr. Jenkins was pretty freaking awesome? Just me? Pffft, whatever ... By far the best character in the series! Oh yeah, I DID just say that!).

Speaking of coffee - there is the suspicion that this Migraine has been triggered by a lack of it. Yes ladies and gents, once again I am trying my hardest to claw my way back onto the decaf wagon, something I've done so many times before that I'm now a legend among the decaf community ... Ok so "legend" might be blowing smoke up my own ass, but I have gone through this routine so frequently that it's becoming a joke in my workplace ... Apparently the Coffee Machine and I are having some sort of sordid love affair based on my caffeine dependency.


I seriously haven't managed to break the habit!


As Monday morning rolled around I was ready with my decaf coffee, I removed all change from my purse and strolled past the Machine with a "you don't own me" glare. By then though, my brain was already throwing a tantrum ... Demanding I give into whatever it needed to feel better - be it chocolate, milk or tipping the Machine over and stuffing the coffee granules into my chops with my bare hands.

I was irritable, I was tired (despite sleeping 12 hours the night before), I counted the time before my next painkiller dose ... I tried to convince my brain that we were drinking full fat coffee. My brain isn't that stupid though and told me so by instructing my stomach to refuse all food.

"You seem irritable today" said my colleagues.

"I have a Migraine ... Sorry if I seem on edge" rubbing my temple and adjusting the brightness of my monitor.

"A Migraine? Have you tried *insert names of multiple painkillers*? Or what about *some long winded story about hangover cures*? I get headaches too - they can be sore can't they? Have you had plenty of water? Because dehydration causes headaches you know? And - " they won't stop talking. It's just noise.

"It'll pass ... Trust me" I utter, hoping to placate them.

"You really are irritable you know ... Maybe if you try -"

*Death stare* "I'm fiiiiiiinnnnnneeeeee" I murmur, left eye twitching with pain, a grimace where the smile should be "just fine".


If I was to imagine a mind palace it would look like this ... Just with more gerbils ... (pic is from my Insta!)

It could be that I'm experiencing caffeine withdrawal on top of a Migraine ... It could just be that my brain is telling me to slow the heck down and take some time to relax ... It could just be that my brain is being it's usual petulant self.

Whatever is causing it to misbehave this time, I wish it would just sit on the naughty step in silence for a while! At least then I can stop singing "I need a hero" (TUNE!) at my box of cocodamol.

How do you lovely lot deal with Migraines while having to work? This is something I'm finding difficult (we get a lot of lights deciding to turn the office into a rave in their dying moments).

R x

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