It's early in the morning, my hair scraped back and curly, face bereft of any trace of make up, and I am sitting in front of my laptop, pouring over pages of style magazines trying to seek inspiration. I forget that inspiration usually only falls in the wake of an event or the dire disposition of one's situation. I decided to do something radical, I am going to change careers.
Is 36 too early for a midlife crisis? Should I be dressing like a cougar and have a twenty-something hanging off my arm ? Of course not, I look far to young for that. Truth is, life is boring me, don' t get me wrong, I love being a mum, I love (and couldn't survive without my family and friends), however, something is telling me I need to go and find a change. So having completed one, yes ONE catwalk show, I am going to pursue a career in modelling, as a sideline to my ever evolving writing career.
I think I've just had enough of run of the mill, I grabbed an opportunity that came my way and thankfully, I have people who are supporting me. I also decided I need to know what my healthy body weighs, I'm not talking about counting the pounds on the scales but keeping my measurements on track and remaining a stable size. Upping the exercise regime, packing in smoking and not drinking for a month, I reckon I can achieve at least one goal.
Yep, I'm great fun to be around.
Still, My friends haven't deserted me, my kids still want me to play with them, and I haven't made anybody cry... but please guys... will you all stop having babies?? My liver is assuming I must be pregnant because I haven't had a drink in over a week, the lack of cigarettes are giving me mood swings and all I want to do is eat comfort food, my mind is turning weepy at the sight and smell of a tiny baby. My ovaries can't take it!
I blame my writing career, writing is a solitary business, for every like, share and retweet you get you always strive for more, and I won't kid you, it's hard. It's a tough game, but it's the one I chose.
In essence, as a writer, every small notch on the way up to recognition is great but it means you still aren't top of your game. I'm bored with climbing that mountain and I want to be at the top to appreciate the view, however, by refusing to sugar coat my opinions and stroke egos this is a pretty big mountain to climb. I know I've made a rod for my own back with this... I know!
If I were less of a person, then I would change that. Stubborn?oh yes!
Someone, thankfully, has shown me a light at the end of the tunnel and made me realise why I love what I do. Shoes. If there is one thing I understand it's shoes, so by Ignoring my sour mood and asking me what shoes I would choose between instead, brought a smile to my face and has reminded me why I do this job. It's also nice to know that someone knows me well enough to value my opinion on the subject.
Yes, I can still write, model and whatever (Does that put me in the same league as an AMW? Eek!) and do it well (I'll leave that up to you to decide). With the new found career(s) in tow, I've got myself back together, It's time to enjoy life again. I should really just publish this article and have a fag and a glass of red.
No. There's one thing I can't change and that's my sheer bloody mindedness. I'm too stubborn for that.
See you all at the bar in November, I'm the one wearing nice shoes ... I intend to be drunk.