I firmly believe that the language we use when speaking to our children is one of the key factors in defining them in life. It moulds how they interpret the world, what they prioritise, their communication with others and most importantly - themselves.
I personally think that SOME humans can be too flippant with their choice of words, brush off their mannerisms around their children and not understand that words they choose can have such a strong impact on their little ones. I'm not talking about the obvious things like yelling at them, criticising them or making fun of them...obviously none of that is going to create a positive environment for them to flourish.
What I'm talking about is the subtle tones or the words that we could be changing in day to day life, to help build strong little humans.
For example with my daughter - instead of focussing on words like "beautiful", "pretty" (all of which she absolutely is)...I want to try to focus on things like "caring", "healthy", "smart", "unique".
I'm not saying that i don't tell her she is beautiful... I do every single day - but it goes hand in hand with "you are so beautiful, you are so kind, you are so strong".
The sole reason I do this is because I want her to grow up celebrating all of the things that make her different instead of worrying about all of the moulds she thinks she needs to fit into.
The plan is that if it's engrained into her brain early enough and I remain consistent, that she won't even stress about these said moulds.
Of course that goes hand in hand with being her example of that. I need to set a standard for myself too because she is always watching. If she sees me as a strong, confident, caring woman...that will be her "normal".
Obviously at some point she will have her first dose of social expectations - if we are being honest, it could happen as early as first grade.
However if she has been raised to celebrate diversity, we have reinforced that she is understanding/patient/kind/positive - then hopefully she has a stronger tolerance to peer pressure or negativity when this little speed bump arises.
Obviously I can't see the future - but what I can focus on is right now!
I can focus on celebrating her every single day.
I can lead by example to show tolerance/understanding and compassion to all humans.
I can be responsible for the way she treats others.
I can take ownership of the way I speak to her, how I handle situations, whether I get frustrated over simple things or show her to focus your energy on what is really important.
I can get angry or I can show patience.
I can be blame her for my tiredness or I can thank her for being the tiny arms around my neck at night that I've spent my whole life waiting for.
As parents we need to take ownership of the way we speak to them, the way we teach them and the way in which we lead by example. There is no point in telling her these things if I don't follow through and do it of myself because then all I'm teaching her is that I'm a hypocrite!
They are little sponges absorbing every word, feeling and lesson from the moment they land earth side. Maybe even before that...we used to sing to her when she was in my belly and now she covers her ears every time I sing, so maybe she wasn't too fussed on it!
The point is - it's easy to be tired/frustrated/upset - some days parenting is intense!
It's also easy to brush off our actions while they are too little to walk or talk and say things like "Oh they don't understand yet, ill stop when she knows whats going on"...but they are still absorbing.
When we signed up to be parents - we chose this life!
We chose to be the person in their corner teaching them the difference between right and wrong...we are responsible for making them feel every bit "enough" for this life.
We are the people that show them to self love from day one so they never rely on the approval of others.
As parents - if we stop worrying about the long term and instead pour love and happy ju ju into every moment as it presents itself ...then I'm sure the overall picture and long term outcome will be just that.