Well I could make this post about me and say how much I would dearly like this day to be over. In our house, Mother's Day was a very special day for Skye, and of course what mother doesn't like to feel joy and be appreciated by her loving offspring? Now I feel that privilege has been ripped from me and yes I know I should be grateful I have my darling Jesse but this will NEVER take away the fact that what I really want more than anything in the whole world is my first born baby who changed me from a woman into a MOTHER and made me a better person.
I would rather however, pay tribute to my own mother without whom, I would not have managed to provide the life I so wanted for Skye and Jesse. My mum's reaction to the news she was to become a Granny for the first time was every bit the emotional, if somewhat overexcited one I had expected and every step of the way, she shared my wonder and pure joy of everything about Skye. I learnt so much about parenting from her - mostly good, with the odd memories of my childhood, such as feeling rushed, which I wanted to avoid, when it came to be my turn to 'be mum'!
Skye adored Granny (as does Jesse) and this is certainly not because she lavished them with expensive gifts, in fact Skye used to point out on numerous occasions that Granny needed only to bring a pencil, some blank paper and her head when she visited! She gave so much more than materialistic gifts, she gave the gift of her time, unconditional love and energy.
One of the most wonderful times I can remember was when Mum and GT hit retirement and went on a three month cruise to celebrate the end of their 'paid' working life. Andrew, Skye, Jesse and myself overlapped their trip around the world and had realised without their knowledge, that we would all be in Auckland, NZ for 12 hours on the same day. We arrived at the harbour at about 5am so as not to miss them disembarking and Skye was yelling to all the old cronies on the ship "Excuse me, have you seen my Granny?" To the reply, "What is her name?" Skye replied quite factually "Granny". Emotional video
We managed to keep hidden until she had left the ship and as soon as Skye saw her he raced up and gave her the biggest hug in the world! As you can imagine there was a mixture of complete shock, elation and tears of happiness. A few of the shipmates asked them after, how long it had been since we had all last been reunited expecting the answer to be at least two years or more and seemed quite taken a back when the truth was actually only two months! This is just a beautiful summary of just how close we all were.
I think any parents with a very sick child on an oncology ward would agree that their mothers have been rocks in terms of practical support. I can only imagine what it must have felt for my mum to have been told the devastating news about Skye's cancer. To be so emotionally involved, yet to be on the periphery of what is going on, AND to suddenly have two year old Jesse to care for almost full time was something she managed amazingly well without burdening me with her own feelings of desperation.
I always knew I could keep my own emotions in check for the sake of Skye's emotional well being but being much more of a 'heart on her sleeve' kind of girl I was worried if mum could do it too, but she did. She made every second count with Skye and used to be a great source if inspiration to stimulate him, and when his voracious appetite for a constant stream of new activities used to, on occasion, leave me like a cracked desert, she stepped in. Her ingenious thought on our canal holiday, where she pre bought fish from Sainsbury's to tie onto the boy's fishing rods, left Skye with a beaming smile from ear to ear. A lasting happy memory for us all!
Times are incredibly hard and I know how much harder I am making them for others due to my totally withdrawn and depressive state. I just can't help it and I appreciate how hard it must be, to not only be grieving for your Grandson but also your daughter who seems completely lost to you now. I am sorry for all of this, but I do love you and I want you to know that this Mother's Day! X