13/11/2012 16:03 GMT | Updated 13/01/2013 05:12 GMT

Pink Slip the Senate

Wonder Woman is more excited than when she bought her first shipment of steroids on line, because there's now lots of lesbians in the senate! Or just one? Well, one OUT lesbian is more than enough, right Hillary? Baby steps, or to put it senatorially, legislative processes are complicated. Fairness isn't easy, especially when politicians in Washington have been re-elected to continue the US's downward spiral. Sometimes suicide takes time. Ask Dennis Miller.

I'm glad a gay lady won something. Makes meals on queer cruise lines less victimy and more conversational. And I don't want Iraq to think women on women action is limited to harems and hair salons. Ladies with manicures and shoulder pads can now serve the country in other ways, no matter how misguided is the stale, expensive US Senate.

Why do we pretend the English were right, when they set up a second legislative body to pimp-slap the other? Checks and balances was a good idea hundreds of years ago, I guess, when the public was too stupid or busy feeding themselves to keep an eye on corrupt politicians.

But now, in about three minutes I can locate nearby suspected paedophiles. I'm sure politicians aren't far behind. Their graft, insincerity and fake workout schedules are all at my fruited fingertips.

With this knowledge, the uninformed electorate recently proved that we ain't puttin' up with no more bullshit Washington, so do what you were meant to do when we voted this same way in 2008. Show up at work, answer your calls and memorize Paul Krugman.

Senatorial ladies, will you be any different from the past dudes? Or will you just rest on your cellulitic laurels, pretending to be stern when minorities approach with their needs for food and housing? Why accommodate senators, drooling over contributions while swallowing their pride, when a family of Asians can turn one senatorial storage closet into a successful Calvin Klein workshop?

Americans are praying for jobs. Let's employ 20 of them, rather than an incumbent from Wyoming County with equal political power to a senator from broken California who is slightly scary but bilingual. Sort of. Sorry, un poquito. Now empty the spittoons, por favor.

When we abolish the Upper House, it will be like eliminating the Nazis on the Eastern Front. Not that the senate are similar to the Fascists, because the Nazis knew how to dress. Was Elizabeth Warren actually wearing a black blouse and a dark blue jacket on election night? I thought she wanted to win the gay vote. Say what you will about Himmler, he mixed his shades properly.

And better still Himmler got things done, maybe because he had only one vegetarian to answer to. The ladies in the senate would like to save the world, but they're lactose intolerant. They can't feel their feet. It's tough to fix Orange County when you're munching on bowls of bean sprout and cat litter just to please hairy forearmed activists, whilst courting failed CEOs from IBM.

I'm frankly sad for the senate, its members are so desperate to be liked by everyone who DIDN'T elect them. Diane Feinstein and her coterie want to have dinner with Log Cabin Republicans, but those queens won't be caught dead with those other queens. Country Western without the letter 'o' is both high camp and Paul Ryan's nickname for the West Coast. Ryan's got his finger up someone's pulse.

Has he always been a fella? I only ask because he tears up so easily.

Everyone knows Obama won because voters require a monarch. The senate's wheel chair is in the way of America's happiness, like an armed, angry old man with a colostomy bag, a disposable income and no enemy except the dirt. The battle left. The left won, so GET ON WITH IT, Obama. The voter spoke and we've eliminated discussion. No one's working, except the senate and they're working against a more direct Democratic process.

I don't want their oxygen cut off. That would be pointless, as several senators stopped breathing decades ago. Obama, take away their credit cards, the way Romney did to his loyal staff on the midnight he lost his way last week. Without credit, senators will fade away like the stern resolve in Romney's wife's eyes.

Imagine a world without senators on Sunday morning talk shows barking at one another about raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens or whatever special interests their representing while I'm forced to fart to warm my NYC apartment.

Abolish the senate before chicks take it over and a needy McCain has a sex change, while blathering on about his refurbished Mekong Delta.

Obama, downsize, before the voters send Harry Reid a pink slip. He's got boney ankles.

Next week: Senator Reid's carpet burns.