It's ok to feel depressed.
It's ok to say things to your kids you wish you could take back.
You can take them back. You can ask for forgiveness.
You can explain to your children that sometimes even moms struggle.
It's ok to be glad when you drop your kids off at school and to be frustrated when it's already time to meet the bus.
It's ok to want time to yourself, to want to have no responsibilities and to want your pre-mommy body back.
It's understandable to feel like life for everyone would be better if you didn't exist.
And it is ok to feel guilty afterwards for thinking that. Or to not feel guilty--to feel confused.
It's ok if you don't want to bake cookies or sew your own Halloween costumes. It's ok to spend $20 on costumes at Walmart.
It's ok if you sometimes feel like you can't go on, that you made a mistake, that you weren't made for this mothering thing.
And it's ok to feel depressed about your life even if to others your life looks perfect, even then.
Maybe more so then.
You do not have to beat yourself up about feeling depressed; that will only make you feel worse.
Sometimes you will feel differently. I promise you. Even if it's not today or tomorrow. One day, you will feel happy again.
You will smell their sweetness again. You will savor their hugs. You will feel their love's penetrating power.
So hold on until then.
Do your best to maintain, to push on, to know that it gets better.
Because it does. It will.
You are never alone, even if it feels that way.
Even when it feels like no one understands you or what you are experiencing and you just don't know what to do. Close your eyes, take a breath and know that somewhere, someplace, there is love.
And let that be enough.
*Inspired by Wendy Wisner's: "To the Mom of a Nursing Toddler"