Whenever there's coverage of mothers in the workplace, it's never long before the topic of how they cope with the competing needs of their children and their job comes up. What's wrong with this? It's a narrative that's only ever applied to working mothers, and rarely - if ever - working fathers.
On the BBC series Inside the House of Commons recently, one of the featured MPs was a busy mum who juggles the demands of her job with the needs of her family. As the listings described the scenario: "Lib Dem MP Jenny Willott... seeks to balance new parenthood with politics."
I am not denying Ms. Willott's very real struggle between being a parent and an MP (and Deputy Chief Whip), but yet again, the search for this 'balance' was presented as an issue only for the working mother. While we did see the involvement of her partner, where was the male MP also struggling in the same way, having family dinners in his parliament office, dropping off his children at the House of Commons nursery, or leaving his crying child with an aide so he can dash off to the house for an important vote? Maybe he doesn't exist. Maybe society's expectations of working mothers are different from those of working fathers.
This was yet another example that feeds into the myth that when a mother is working, childcare is her responsibility. That the need for flexibility is the preserve of the working mother, not the father. That mothers struggle to maintain a work/life balance in a way that fathers don't.
This week there was a report about the rising costs of childcare in the UK, which is indeed a big problem for parents. Yet I kept reading how this was an issue for working mothers or mothers returning to the workplace, never about fathers.
My wife has a full time job, and I freelance as well as being home with our daughter. In any discussions I enter into about work, the cost of childcare up at the top of the list when determining the feasibility of me taking on the job. The issues around flexible hours and an understanding that I may have to be absent when my child is sick are also important for my employer to know, because I am the primary caregiver to our daughter.
I don't understand why are we always framing any discussion about childcare, flexible working, balancing the demands of home and work, with 'Working Mothers'. These issues are not exclusive to mothers - they are parenting issues.
As a father, I find it sad that people think dads don't care this much about their children, that we too don't lament the lost hours we could be spending with them when working. But as a parent of a daughter, I find the sexism of this prevailing attitude towards women in the workplace far more depressing.
It's an attitude that is especially toxic when there are employers that would prefer not hire a mother, because they think that it'll be too much hassle. It's an attitude that fathers rarely encounter.
I am not seeking to diminish the emotional stress and logistical hassle of being a working mother. Despite not being a mother, I understand it completely.
I just think we need to stop talking about working mothers, and start talking about working parents instead. These are issues that affect us all and problems for us all to deal with.