08/04/2014 09:46 BST | Updated 08/06/2014 06:59 BST

Guidance for The Naïve Undergraduate - Part Two: Love and Relationships

Love is and relationships are an inevitable part of university life. I mean, how many individuals have gone on to meet their future spouse through university? How lovely. Albeit, it doesn't always last and usually results in divorce upon acknowledgement of distinct difference but still, they did meet their one time one at a higher education institution, which surely counts for something.

Unfortunately owing to popular culture, morality, and usually a combination of Jägermeister and sheer sluttiness, romance, love, and resulting relationships have taken a back seat to make way for what would appear a welcome accommodation of sex fuelled one night stands. Something of which forms part of regular occurrences at universities across the land.

There is a hint of possibility that you may meet someone at university and my advice is simple, consider everything. By this I don't mean consider every option, don't even attempt to seize it, and don't even ponder it. You as a naïve, oblivious and probably very horny undergraduate will become overwhelmed by the sexual deviancy that has blinkered your quest to find everlasting love, and probably have a one night stand, then get pregnant, then die. In contrast, you could simply have a jolly good fondle, contract a mild sexually transmitted infection, which if anything makes you exotic and then enjoy a day out at an embarrassingly populated sexual health clinic.

Virginity and the opportunity to lose it is naturally a staple feature of any thought process surrounding the notion of love and relationships. Some urchins of contemporary, liberal, 'but these are modern times' society will have experienced their first sexual encounter, with or without the aid of an internet predator by a young age, thus having nothing to lose and all to gain at University, well good luck to them.

However, many go for for the falling in love option, meanwhile the student life cycle will continue to create new rascals in the sexual happenings occurring across campus. Some of which you will feel like you are making a cameo appearance in, given the thickness of the walls in pre-fab university accommodation. I can remember sitting in a fellow students flat during university, waiting with my friend on his sofa whilst his flatmates usual Tuesday afternoon conquest fulfilled her appointment, which was incredibly awkward. My friend and I were sat in the living area whilst our other friend acted out what could have been a blue movie in his bedroom, which was unfortunately situated next door to the kitchen and living space. We heard every groan, scream, shout, squeak of the mattress and what quite possibly could have been a safe word.

In all of this fiasco there was at least one positive and I am not talking about a test result at a later date, I realised I had been pronouncing my other friends name incorrectly the entire time I had known him.

I suppose I have Miss Tuesday Afternoon to thank for that, as she kindly shouted it out for me numerous times.