14/02/2012 04:18 GMT | Updated 13/04/2012 06:12 BST

The Madness of King Cameron

There's only a couple of reasons why someone might be truly delusional. There's the straightforward denial delusion which is used to avoid the horrible and often depressing truth of reality. I have met several people that suffer from this in the world of comedy. On the lower echelons of the open mic circuit reside aged veterans of bleak, unlit stages where their attempts at jokes fall upon blank and often distressed stares as audience members witness the verbal version of extreme sado-masochism.

These comediaren'ts die on stage harsher than a repeat screening of Tommy Cooper's last moments, and yet, week after week, year after year, they return to these shows to plough through the same unchanged words hoping that one day the world's sense of humour will fail and fall in line with theirs. Why do they do it? I don't know. I assume that its maybe because admitting that they can't do it would mean their evenings become lonelier and emptier and the without conversational high point of saying 'I'm a comedian' they would be left with very little at all to say.

You then have those who become delusional through excessive drug use. Those who take hallucinogenic after hallucinogenic until the real world becomes the unreal one and they much prefer a life of being chased by giant bees down a yellow brick road*. Like a slightly less confusing and more colourful version of Inception, if you'd replaced director Christopher Nolan with Terry Gilliam. Finally you have those who are just batshit crazy such as the man I once met when working for a housing association. Called Cornelius McNally, and wearing a green Robin Hood hat, he once stormed into our office proclaiming that his toilet was broken so he was having to do "number two's in plastic bags!" We hurriedly sent plumbers round who reported within hours that the cistern had been repaired and we sighed with hygienic relief. Three days later Cornelius returned once again shouting loudly in his mad, crackled voice, that he was doing 'number two's in plastic bags!' Everyone seem disturbed stating "but we thought your toilet was fixed?" Only for McNally to reply, "it is." Horrible.

So, while I'm no expert in psychological behaviour, I'm left wondering just which one of these Cameron and Lansley are suffering from. Ever since announcing the healthcare reform bill some months ago it has been opposed by over 250,000 medical health professionals, nearly every opposition party, every official medical association, the general public and even, this past week, members of the Conservative Party who would usually jump at such proposals. Yet despite this Dave has said that there is no real dissent towards the bill. Its the political equivalent of him sticking his fingers in his ears and screaming 'lalalalalalalala' every time someone says something he doesn't want to hear. To ignore the opposition is one thing. They are, despite recent decisions to not argue with many of the country destroying proposals being put forward by the Coalition, the opposition and so, it is totally within reason that the PM should disagree. While I'm not a fan of his views I live in fear of a society where we only have one party to vote for and we are instead merely asked to vote for which clone of the same money driven, hate fuelled, blinkered MP we want to lead us based on his or her hair colour and Desert Island Disc choice.

So to not listen to Labour is fair enough if you're a Tory leader. However to oppose all of the UK's health professionals seems very strange. I can't imagine Lansley opposing any other emergency service professionals. This current tactical ignorance is in line with stating that 'no matter what the fire brigade say we have decided they will now have to throw alcohol at large scale fires'. Then you have the public, whom only 18% of agree with these NHS proposals, and yet the duo once again don't seem to mind that by ignoring them its chancing a huge political suicide. I know barely anyone votes anymore in the UK (figures for the AV vote reached a 'huge' 37.4%) but 18% can't provide any sort of majority in reality can they? It seems more and more like Andrew and Dave suffer from severe dyspraxia which I can only hope comes into play when choosing MP numbers for parliament. Then to discard the opinions of members of your own party who are against it is surely just asking for mutiny? With the cutthroat attitude of many Conservative viewpoints, surely there is the chance that they'll turn on their leader like many other money grabbing, morality devoid pirates did in the past?

There's too many things that are dangerously wrong with this bill to mention here without taking up much Huffington webspace but the one of the worst aspects is that should this be pushed through, the government will have little to no responsibility for the health system. It would be passed to a private governing body which would mean any mention of its operation would be banned from parliament and Lansley himself could happily file it away under 'fucked' in his cabinet system. As well as this there is the introduction of 'competition' to the health service, creating high possibility that like the USA, we too will have to pay to stay alive. I can't help but feel that if that's a competition, its a really shit prize. Sure the NHS needs changes as some things don't work but if the Coalition cared about the NHS in anyway they'd be looking at reducing its cut backs to ensure it doesn't continue to fail allowing them to force the new bill through. Last year the NHS was promised a 4% rise to pay for medical supplies but this 4% didn't even cover the VAT increase on those very same medicines. How is the system meant to survive like that?

It doesn't matter how much people complain, those fingers remain firmly in their ears and the 'lalalala' noises could combat those of Julie Andrews. Cameron stated today that he is 'at one' with Lansley as though the man with the hair that looks superimposed onto his face is some sort of Buddhist xen Nirvana. Maybe he is? Maybe its a religious delusion and Andrew's sheer mind washing power has persuaded the PM that only by ruining the health of others can he achieve true happiness? I can only hope their private healthcare system works quickly at diagnosing healthcare issues or surgically removing digits from aural areas before its too late for the NHS to save its own life. Either that or someone needs to work out just how we put through a bill of no confidence in our obviously crazy leader. Maybe waiting for that eventual laugh or the giant bee of doom is better future prospect than I thought.

* This is based on the acid trip of someone I once went to school with who then suffered every summer from the appearance of normal sized bees incase their 'leader' showed up.