THE BLOG
25/05/2014 12:50 BST | Updated 25/07/2014 06:59 BST

How Straight Are You?

When I sit with my straight friends, be they single straight men or a straight couple, the conversation of "How straight are you?" invariably comes up and the best way I can explain it to them, is by describing what I call the sexuality scale. We all fit into this scale somewhere.

Having grown up gay, and having done my share of cruising and cottaging in my life, I have picked up many different types of men, from married, to experimenting, to curious and obviously totally gay men. Cruising and cottaging are ways that men mainly in the past, although it still happens nowadays, would pick up other men for a sexual encounter. The internet has led to a decrease in this form of cruising and an increase in "cyber cruising" on gay dating sites. This obviously comes with its own set of risks.

When I sit with my straight friends, be they single straight men or a straight couple, the conversation of "How straight are you?" invariably comes up and the best way I can explain it to them, is by describing what I call the sexuality scale. We all fit into this scale somewhere. Let me use myself as an example: I am a totally gay man, and have never had a sexual encounter of any kind with a woman in my entire life (I am now 51 years old). This, coupled with my phobia of female sexuality places me at zero. On the other end of the scale is a ten, a macho male that is repulsed and perhaps even phobic at the thought of a sexual encounter with another male. Lets look at the in-betweeners.

0 A homosexual male who has never had a sexual encounter with a female, and is repulsed and bordering phobic or even phobic at the thought of a sexual encounter with a female. Will only be sexual and have relationships with other males.

1 A homosexual male who has never had sexual encounter with a female, but perhaps has a female friend that he is comfortable laying next to, cuddling and touching and hugging (not in a sexual way). Will only be sexual and have relationships with other males.

2 A homosexual male who has experimented and had a sexual experience with a female, either to satisfy his own curiosity or to satisfy friends and family (peer pressure), and decided that he cannot foresee himself in a relationship with a female. Will only have a relationship with other males, but might be sexual with females.

3 A homosexual male that under certain circumstances, such as the influence of alcohol or drugs, will have a sexual experience with a female and will invariably have regrets. Will only have a relationship with a male, but at the right time and place might have sexual experience with a female.

4 A homosexual male, who is in a relationship with another male, but feels the need to have sex with a female from time to time. Will only be in a relationship with a male, but will have sex with females.

5 A bisexual male that is equally comfortable having sex with either male or female and can imagine himself falling in love with either male or female and settling down with either. Will have relationships and sexual encounters with male or female.

6 A heterosexual male who is in a relationship with a female but enjoys a sexual experience with another male from time to time. Will only be in a relationship with a female but will have sex with another male.

7 A heterosexual male who, under certain circumstances such as the influence of alcohol or drugs, will have a sexual experience with another male, invariably with regrets. Will only have a relationship with a female, but at the right time and place might have a sexual experience with another male.

8 A heterosexual male who is curious about other men and has had a sexual experience with another male but cannot foresee himself in a relationship with another male and is unlikely to have another male sexual encounter. Will only have relationships with females and might be sexual with other males.

9 A heterosexual male who has never had a sexual experience with another male, but perhaps has a male friend/s that he bonds exceptionally well with, and is comfortable cuddling, hugging, touching (not in a sexual way). Will only have relationships and be sexual with females.

10 A heterosexual male that has only had sexual experiences with females, and is repulsed and bordering phobic at the thought of a sexual experience with another male. Will only have relationships and be sexual with females.

One could then break down further each classification that you fall under. For example if you were an eight how far sexually would you go with another male during your experience? Would it just be mutual masturbation and no touching of each other, so purely watching, or would it be a full sexual encounter where there was penetration and kissing involved.

I have always said the best classification to be is a five, where you are equally comfortable with both sexes. You have such a choice available to you and you are genuinely at ease in a relationship with either male or female and are equally comfortable having sex with either male or female. No better place to be.