31/12/2015 05:04 GMT | Updated 30/12/2016 05:12 GMT

How to Find Happiness After 'Star Wars: Episode VII'

SPOILER ALERT: I'm writing this as self-therapy more than anything. After watching the monumental, long-awaited Episode VII of the Star Wars saga, I found myself contemplating life compared to Star Wars.

I actually found myself longing to live a long time ago in a galaxy far far away, I as a little jealous of all the excitement wrapped up in the lives of all those in Star Wars and now I need to redeem my own life somehow. So if you're feeling a similar sort of disdain towards your own life, then let's work this through together, how can we find happiness after Epsiode VII.

  1. We don't have to live on edge at all times or fight off imminent evil

    Everyone in Star Wars seems to be fighting or scrounging to survive all the time. I can't speak on behalf on the entire world's population, but as a recent-graduate, I can fortunately say that my biggest concern these days is deciding a career path and getting a job; not facing the imminent destruction of my own planet via deathstar.

  2. Everybody eventually gets killed in Star Wars, more or less

    Everyone we ever cared about, poor poor Hans, may the force rest his soul.

  3. It's easier for us to get around, particularly with public transport

    Where would we be without night buses, ay!? There are no night buses in Star Wars, no Ubers and certainly no 24 hour McDonalds.

  4. There is no art

    I mean sure, we can't say for certain, but there doesn't seem to be any art around. No museums, no Van Goghs or Andy Warhols. Sure, they've got freaky alien bands in every bar scene so at least there's music, but what kind of world must it be without an appreciation for art?

  5. Jar Jar Binks does not exist in the real world

    Need I say anymore?

  6. Our civil rights are far more developed - slaves are much less commonplace

    Imagine Princess Leia being enslaved in that dungeon in that gold bikini these days? Twitter would have a field-day over Jabba the Hut, and Anakin and his mum certainly would have HONY supporting their release. Which leads us nicely onto #7.

  7. We have the internet

    Rey could have helped us all out by googling her parentage on one of those ancestry websites. Leia could've google mapped Luke's location with "Find My Phone" saving a whole bunch of hassle and Kylo Ren could've played RPG games online to play out his Darth Vader fantasy. Also see #6.

  8. We have a smaller world

    I don't know about you but I find it hard enough to stay in contact with friends and family round the world as is. Now imagine that not only do we have our Earth, but we also have the other planets in our solar system AND all the other planets in all the other solar systems in our Milky Way galaxy. No, just no. Not happening.

  9. My biggest issue with Star Wars is this: If you're not a Sith, a Jedi or helping one of the two, you are not important

    Sure I can dream to have been born into the Star Wars world, but what if, by chance, I wasn't born as a Jedi, or a Sith, or a Wookie, or I wasn't born with exceptional pilot-ing skills. I would pretty much be a nobody and that's just not okay. At least in our world you can work your ruddy socks off to accomplish something and look back and know you did it without the help of the force.

  10. Until I come to terms with the above, I'll either be in my room desperately trying to move objects with my mind or at the cinema watching the latest episode on repeat.