I have two amazing, bright, funny, gorgeous boys,. One is eight and the other is six. Over the years they've said some weird and hilarious things - as I'm sure all kids do. Not being on social media yet, they won't have noticed that I've been documenting all of these conversations. I hope that one day they'll look at this post and giggle, rather than suffer from extensive psychological damage due to this parental overshare!
[Key: V = me; S = Steve (husband, dad); C = eight-year-old; M = six-year-old]
At the Doctors:
Dr: "So is there anything else that's bothering you at the moment?"
M: "Yes, I've got these lumps all down my back."
Dr: "That's your spine."
On school projects:
M: "We're learning about dinosaurs."
V: "Do you know how they all died?"
M: "Was it.... umm... meatballs?"
On growing up:
C: "In five more years I'll be a teenager."
V: "What happens then?"
C: "I start stealing wallets." (WTF!!)
On National Poetry Day:
C: "Mum had a dog, but the dog is dead. So now we have a cat instead."
On getting married:
C: "I'm going to stay single. Otherwise I'll have a wife telling me what to do and kids yelling at me."
On career choices:
V: "What do you want to be when you grow up:"
M: "A sandwich."
On hearing what year his dad was born:
C: "Oh my gosh, dad was born in the olden days!"
C (when he was 6): "Mum, did you come out of someone's tummy or did you just grow out of the ground?"
On wearing glasses:
C (when he was 5): "Is it true that if you wear someone else's glasses for more than 5 minutes, you will DIE?"
C (when he was 5): "Mummy, my friend said that the place we're going to on holiday is having a war." (We were going to Wales!)
On having a cold:
M: "My nose is not working."
On famous golfers:
C (when he was 5): "Mum, have we been to Tiger Woods before?"
M: "My bed's not working."
Games in the car:
S: "I spy with my little eye, something beginning with B - it rhymes with fridge."
C (when he was 5): "Road."
V: "Are you feeling unwell?"
V: "Where does it hurt?"
M: "On the floor."
On the weather:
C (when he was 5): "How does the weather forecast know it's going to rain? Does someone tell them or do they find out in a dream?"
On personal grooming:
C (when he was 5): "What's that spray you're putting on your hair?"
V: "It's for styling my hair."
C: "Daddy uses that for styling his armpits."
This post comes from the Lifestyle Maven blog at www.LifestyleMaven.co.uk
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