What happens when you're 37, almost infertile, in a new relationship and you go and get pregnant by accident? Find out in Sarah's weekly column: Up the Duff Without a Paddle.
This week's worry is how on earth I am going to fit having a baby into my manic life. Now, more than ever, every single day is packed with stuff to do and more things to worry about. God only knows how a baby will fit in. And to think that only a few weeks ago my biggest concern was how a baby would fit in my summer dresses.
I mean, the baby will take up, what, 90 of two people's time and energy", right?
I can't get the maths to add up. If I can barely find enough hours to cope with my life as it is right now, how am I going to cope with a baby too? Where do those hours come from?
I've had a couple of mini-meltdowns since last week's instalment. Forgive me if this is interesting to the grand total of nobody, but I'm fretting massively about not being able to cope. Does anyone out there recognise the feeling?Basically, I'm trying to get a new business off the ground while still doing other jobs to pay the bills. I'm also panicking about money, ie not having any of it right now plus probable lack of maternity benefit or allowance once the baby gets here.
Home life has turned into one long list of tasks, mostly around getting stuff ready, including tonnes of sorting out the house and buying a new car, and looking at baby equipment. My head is ready to explode.
As I think you know already, the baby's daddy and I only moved in together six weeks before I unexpectedly got pregnant. He had only brought a few bags of belongings at that point, so we've also had a bigger flat move to contend with since then.
What do other women do? How do you fit everything in?
Don't get me wrong, I really want this miracle baby and say a prayer every day that the pregnancy will go smoothly and I will get to be a mum. But whereas motherhood has been utterly desirable in theory, I feel completely stumped as to how I'm supposed to do it in reality.
I'm used to pretty much devoting myself to my career, and I think that's probably right at the heart of the problem here. I can't quite get my head around the notion of solving the problem by cutting back massively on work, and being dependent for a while on my partner, especially so early in our relationship.
I also can't quite get my head around the likelihood that I won't be able to do everything, or indeed anything, brilliantly any more – be a brilliant career girl, a brilliant friend, a brilliant daughter blah blah blah – because I simply won't have time or energy, and will instead have to make do with just being the best I can manage. And that 'best' might be a bit crap.
This week the only thing I feel I'm doing well is growing a beautiful bump (see the picture). It feels like everything else is slowly falling apart.
How did you manage to fit everything in? What was the biggest thing that had to change? What's the answer? Please do let me know...
Read more of Sarah's columns here.
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