Ask Joanne: I Have Sons But I Want A Daughter

24/02/2010 22:20 | Updated 22 May 2015

What's your dilemma about any aspect of life as a parent? Our experienced life coach Joanne Mallon is here to answer your questions. Send your questions in here and say if you'd like your name to be changed.

Suma writes:

Right from day one of our marriage, my husband and I wanted to have a baby girl. But unfortunately we have two boys. I am 38 years old now. I badly want a girl, but I do not want to take another risk and get pregnant with a boy. My question is, are there any ways/method to have a child of our desire? Please help.

Here's the life coach's reply:

Dear Suma

What would it take for you and your husband to be happy with the family you have, rather than yearning for the one you don't? Think about the effect your desire for a daughter is having on your sons. Even if you haven't said it out loud, they may pick up on the fact that they're not exactly what you wanted.

Since your focus has been on having a girl for so long, what happens if you do have one and she's not as you expected? She may not be particularly girly, she may turn out to be more of a tomboy than her brothers. What do you think would be different in your family life if you had a girl?

There are IVF treatments available which can be used to choose the sex of the embyo, but at the moment this is only offered to people who have a compelling medical reason for choosing one sex over the other. Some couples who feel like you use gender selection clinics overseas, but there are question marks over the legality of this – see this BBC report. And if you did decide to go down that route, treatment is likely to cost in the tens of thousands of pounds.

There are also various theories around the effect that pre-natal diet has on the outcome of the pregnancy. One study claimed that women who eat more breakfast cereal are more likely to have boys. But all of this is very inexact, with no guaranteed outcome. Pursue this if you must, but make sure that it's not at the expense of the children you already have.

Best wishes to you and your family,


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