What's your dilemma about any aspect of life as a parent? Our experienced life coach Joanne Mallon is here to answer your questions. Send your questions in here and say if you'd like your name to be changed.
I gave birth to a stillborn baby boy last October. Post mortem results came back that there was no medical problem with the baby, and my blood tests came back with no problems.
We decided straight away really that we wanted to try for another baby. I already have three children aged from 19 to 11. Without a baby I don't feel I can get over the loss. I have just turned 40 and my husband is 42. It's been three months but nothing has happened as yet. Do you think I should go to see my doctor as we can't try for ever as age is not on our side?
Here's the life coach's reply:
I am very sorry to hear about the loss of your son. What support are you getting in dealing with this? I understand that you are pinning a lot on your plans for a new baby, but this is such a huge loss that it may take longer than you expect to come to terms with. The thing I have found about grief is that just when we think we are getting over the worst, feelings that we didn't know we had will resurface.
So be kind to yourself, and give yourself time to grieve. The charity SANDS is a great source of help – even if you just wanted to read an article or join in an online discussion. People who've experienced what you have will be your greatest source of help right now.
As for having a baby at your age, yes your fertility will be lower than it was when you had your older children, so it may take longer to get pregnant. And three months is not all that long for a woman of any age – women over 35 on average take at least six months to get pregnant and often much longer.
But you're by no means too old – plenty of women are only having their first child at 40. I do think it would be a good idea for both you and your husband to go and see your GP and discuss your plans. Smoking, diet and alcohol can also affect fertility, so your doctor may have some suggestions for you. You may find the Mothers Over 40 website to be a useful resource too.
Best wishes to you and your family,
Have you experienced a stillbirth? Leave a comment if you have any advice on how to deal with this
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