Achtung Baby Or Ask Me Again When You're 21

09/09/2010 13:12 | Updated 22 May 2015

A very good friend of mine is around 30 weeks pregnant. We visited her recently and Finje, as one would expect, was quite fascinated by the whole concept.

We were lucky enough to be invited along to a scan and Finje saw the baby in all her (it's a girl) black and white glory. She heard the heart beat and even experienced a bit of kicking action.

So, I think I can be forgiven for assuming that this picture she drew (see attached) was a picture of my lovely friend with her baby sitting comfortably in her womb., well heart, but it's close enough.

"Oh that's wonderful sweetheart. Is that Katie?"

"No it's you Mama"

For a moment, The Omen music started playing in my head, and I'll be honest, I was hit by a wave of panic. Oh no, are we raising a freaky psychic child? Does she know something I don't?

I took a couple of deep breaths and calmed myself.

"But I'm not pregnant darling. Katie is pregnant. I am not pregnant."

"Yes you are. That is you, and that (pointing to smiley feutus with no apparent body but lots of hair) is my brother."


I took a second to ponder over the appropriateness of explaining to a four year old exactly why, tragically, a sibling is not on the cards. It's challenging enough avoiding this question from absolute strangers, but I knew the time would come for this conversation. I just wasn't sure of the best way to handle it. So, exhibiting once again my parenting prowess, I dodged.

"Would you rather have a brother than a sister then?"

She then launched into a five minute monologue. According to the Book of Finje, a brother would be her sibling of choice and this is her logic:

*Boys have penises (I'm just repeating here).

*He will probably come with a football so they can play together *heart pang*.

*Babies are cute (already forgotten point two apparently).

*He'll be little, because boys are small, so he will have to sleep under her bed on a mattress as he will be unable to climb up the ladder.

*He won't take her favourite hair bobble (gray, frayed, disgusting rag that it is).

*Ida has a sister and she is horrible.

I skillfully veered the conversation onto a chat about Ida's sister's sibling incompetence's and the moment passed.

So how do you break the news?


Achtung Baby
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