Achtung Baby Or Vat Are You Sinking About?

12/10/2010 16:02 | Updated 22 May 2015

I have to share this with you. My German friends? They simply won't get it.

Picture the scene if you will. I'm driving with Finje prattling on about how, if she eats enough green beans, she will become strong enough to wear a suit of armour. This is her current obsession which I am inclined to encourage as it assists my ongoing fodder battle and doesn't involve me buying anything pink. After what seemed like an eternity of knight-related questions (yes they do take their helmets off to eat, no they don't wear their armour in bed and I have no idea how they get it on) she dozed off leaving me tittering like a teenager at the thought of a knight in shining armour "getting it on!" The consequence of which being Barry White's "Let's Get it On" playing on a loop in my head. Even the late great Barry irritates after a while so I switched on the radio just in time to catch the last of Tears for Fears. The DJ then made my day:

"Ja, ja "Every boardy Vants to Rule ze Vorld."

It was simultaniously the funniest and scariest thing I have heard on radio since Sarah Kennedy renamed John Prescott "Two Sh*gs".

Even I, lover of all things German, (except the gene of seriousness) find myself conjuring up images of jack-booted soldiers when I hear such a strong accent. As long as they continue to substitute "th" with "z" and mix up their w's and v's I can't see room for improvement.

My guffaw woke Finje. Put out by being woken from her dreams of jousting and the logistics of donning a suit of armour, she demanded to know the cause of my outburst.

Deciding it was probably not yet the appropriate moment to have the "Adolf" conversation I goose side-stepped, mimicking the announcer and telling her that I found his accent funny. As her brow furrowed I realised the impending conversation might prove more complicated than the one I was trying to avoid.

After a rather in depth chat about pronunciation and intonation she remained unsatisfied. I explained that most people know that I am not German because they hear my English accent. "But you speak German". "Yes darling but not like a German does."

She pondered this for a while.

"I sink I vant to talk viz an accent also mama"

You got it Sweetheart.


Achtung Baby
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