STYLE

Why I Couldn't Care Less About The Royal Wedding

21/01/2011 13:01 | Updated 22 May 2015

There's three months to go until Kate - or Catherine, as we're now supposed to call her - Middleton marries Prince William, and I'm bored of the whole thing already.

After eight long years of observing what seems to be the dullest relationship in the world, I have very little interest in who's making The Dress. I don't really care that Kate has given up pizza, is 'filling up' on organic omelettes and is spending an hour a day on the treadmill.

And I can't help rolling my eyes when confronted with news reports detailing her supposed 'teeth-whitening makeover' and sessions with a 'female wellness coach'.

Haven't we got better things to think about?

When William finally popped the question back in November, it was clear that the powers that be thought that the Royal Wedding would be just the tonic to lift the national mood. Yes, that's the same national mood that's been crushed by high unemployment, debt, the VAT increase and rapid increases in the cost of food and fuel.

But why worry about that when we can watch a couple of Sloanes tie the knot in a lavish ceremony that's set to cost the taxpayer an estimated £10m?

And that's just the bill for the security and transport-related costs, as the Royal Household and the Middletons are paying for rest.

Of course, it's great that we're getting an extra bank holiday as a result – but even that comes at a price. As the wedding falls one week after Easter, Britain will only be open for business for three days between April 22 and May 2, which stands to cost the struggling economy £5 billion and could spell disaster for small businesses.

In light of this, it's easy to see why so many reports prefer to focus on Kate's weight and wardrobe – it's just like Diana all over again.

But where Diana had an incredible ability to connect with people, and helped to humanise the Royal Family as a result, I can't see Kate enjoying the same degree of popularity.

For starters, she's not exactly an aspirational role model, is she?

Yes, she's smiley, pretty and shiny, but thanks to her lifestyle choices she could singlehandedly set feminism back 30 years. Dubbed 'Waity Katy' for her willingness to wait (and wait, and wait) for William to slip that (secondhand) ring on her finger, she's never had a proper job, and has heeded advice not to embarrass herself or The Family by doing anything as unseemly as having fun.

No matter how hard the fashion magazines try, we can't even get especially excited about her clothes because her endless knee-length dress and court shoes combos are unlikely to inspire any copy-cat looks.

Back in 1981, when Charles and Diana got married, almost every girl I knew had a 'Princess Diana' haircut, including me.

Can you imaging anyone popping into the local salon and asking for 'A Kate'? No, me neither.

We'd never even heard her speak until the happy couple gave their first television interview soon after their engagement and you can bet that 'bump watch' will start straight after the wedding, cementing the assumption that marriage and babies represent the ultimate in female achievement.

I've seen more inspirational Disney princesses - and that's saying something.

So it's safe to say that I won't be buying the commemorative mug or the odd-looking commemorative coin.

Because when I see Kate Middleton walking down the aisle, I won't be daydreaming about how great it would be to marry a prince, I'll be thinking 'rather her than me.'

And I'm willing to bet that plenty of other women will be thinking exactly the same.

By: Ceri Roberts

More:

Unfiled
Suggest a correction