It's seldom my intention to offend anyone, but I'm not overly keen on folk who come to my home with the intention of converting me to their religion. They are the only people who can make me regret my atheism.
How I would love to rid my doorstep of their presence by telling them that my God could beat up their God or asking them to come back later when we've finished sacrificing another virgin.
As it happened I secured an equally effective result quite by accident today.
It would seem that when confronted with a dripping wet female, just out of the shower and dressed in a barely-there towel, they beat a retreat. Answering the door half naked was, regrettably, not my intention. I thought it was the post lady. She is quite used to seeing me in various states of undress so I was sure the damp look would not phase her.
Up against a foreign, semi-naked atheist, my visitors were visibly shaken. They gibbered something about coming at a more appropriate time and backed up stumbling over the step in their haste. Talking to their departing backs, I explained politely that finding a more convenient time might prove a challenge.
Finje witnessed the whole event, including my admittedly uncharitable comments about evangelists invading my personal, heathen space.
After she had informed me of the use of three "verboten" words used in my tirade, she took it upon herself to discover the reason behind my indignation. Acutely aware of my determination not to influence my daughter with regards to her beliefs I trod carefully. The conversation went something like this:
"Well Sweetheart, some people believe so very much in something that they think they should try and get other people to believe in it too".
"Oh, like ghosts?"
"Well yes, exactly! We don't believe in ghosts do we?"
"Er...no" (sounding unsure) "but Arne has seen one for real!"
"Well he probably just thought he saw one..."
"Is he lying then because we don't believe in lying do we mama? Oh, is that what you mean? Some people want other people to lie? Like when you say you didn't eat the last gummi bear but really you did?"
Aware of the potential implications of this weighty subject and feeling my grasp of the situation slipping away, I demonstrated, yet again, exemplary parenting skills.
"How about we bake a chocolate cake?"
"Oh Ja! Can we put gummi bears on it?
Phew!