Once upon a time, there was a terribly naïve mother who thought that a teething baby was one who dribbled sweetly and stuffed every object she could get her hands on into her mouth at all times.
One half-grown tooth arrived, baby took to imitating Dr Evil, and all was well in mummy and baby land.
Until one day, the little baby - who had been peaceably sleeping in her cot - awoke from her nap.
As mummy came to pick up her little darling, she saw that the angel she'd put to bed an hour ago was gone. In her place was a shrieking enfant terrible, who couldn't be calmed.This babe emitted blood-curdling screams every few minutes. In between shouts, she wailed, howled, kicked and flailed. Her eyes were red and puffy, she was feverish and steady streams of snot angrily poured from her nose.
Baby's mum wanted to make baby happy again, so she gave her what baby always wanted: Food. To mum's surprise, baby batted it away. Baby also rejected all toys, her beloved dummy and even milk. Now mummy knew she needed to call in reinforcements.
The terrified mother went straight to the source of all wisdom - baby's grandfather - to determine what had happened. A simple case of identity theft, perhaps?
Worse. Baby was teething.
Mum was confused and unprepared. Baby's first tooth had caused no such personality disorder. But after some soothing cuddles and a bit of teething gel, her baby was back.
Not for good, though. This second tooth has baby experiencing multiple personalities and moods throughout the day. Baby still isn't back to her normal eating patterns and is waking up lots at night.
But all mummy can do is try to keep baby as happy as possible. Which is tough when she's up against this vicious incisor.
But for now, it's happily - until the next tooth (and there are 18 more to go!) - ever after.