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Is Making A Sex Tape The Ultimate Way To Say 'I Love You'?

22/03/2012 13:06 | Updated 22 May 2015

So Tulisa Contostavious has released a five-minute video on YouTube, admitting that she made a sex tape with her ex-boyfriend, garage MC Justin 'Ultra' Edwards, which was leaked online earlier this week.

tulisaTulisa at a pre-Grammys party in LA. Photo: PA

In her YouTube video Tulisa, who looks suitably contrite with her hair scraped back and no make-up, explains that she was in a long-term, on/off relationship with her ex at the time and now feels "devastated" and "heartbroken".

Tulisa says: "When you share an intimate moment with someone you love, that you care about and trust, you never imagine that at any point it will be shared with the rest of the UK or people around the world."

She then goes on to name and shame her ex because, she says, "I don't feel I should be the one to take the heat for it. This is something he took upon himself to put the footage online, and how he's sitting in silence and pretending that it's not him on the tape when it is."

The six-minute sex tape in question, recorded on a camera phone, was first made available to download for £3.90 on Monday.

Initially, a spokesperson for Tulisa denied that the blonde in the film was actually her and said: "Tulisa has categorically never allowed anyone to film her having sex."

A spokesman for the website which uploaded the video later announced on Twitter that Tulisa's lawyers had served them with a cease and desist notice and they were forced to take to video down.

Now, Tulisa has made the decision to tell "the truth about the tape".

As the latest in a long line of female celebs who have been caught up in sex tape scandals, Tulisa must be well aware that her home movie is unlikely to do her career - or her image - any harm.

And while she's understandably embarrassed, her insistence that she's "done nothing wrong" shows just how much our attitude to sex has shifted.

Although Tulisa does apologise to her fans in case she's caused any offence, the overall message is clear: there's nothing inherently wrong with making a sex tape. And, now that we all have video cameras on our smartphones, she must be well aware that a good proportion of her fans will have already done the same themselves, and are unlikely to judge her for it.

Just like most other female celebs who have been caught getting busy on camera, Tulisa is at pains to point out how much she loved her former partner. And that makes it seem that filming yourself in action has become an important way - if not THE most important way - to show your other half just how much you care.

As Tulisa puts it: "I practically moved in with him, I loved him deeply, had a lot of respect for him, we talked about kids and marriage. I got my record label to give him a singles deal."

And then, she made a sex tape.

When Kim Kardashian's tape with her then-boyfriend, R'n'B singer Ray J surfaced in 2007, she said something very similar: "I thought I was gonna marry this guy; we were in a three-year relationship."

In 2003, Paris Hilton shot to fame off the back of the leaked home movie, One Night in Paris, which featured her and her then-boyfriend Rick Saloman.

Soon after she said: "I think a lot of girls, when they're in a relationship, they will love someone and trust them and let them do that [make a sex tape]."

And when Pamela Anderson had to explain to her teenage sons about her infamous sex tape with their father, Tommy Lee she said: "Look, Mommy and Daddy were massively in love. We videotaped everything... probably things we shouldn't have."

Back in the dark ages when Paris and Pammy made their home sex flicks, we didn't have camera phones. But Tulisa's generation (she's 24) have grown up photographing and filming everything on their phones, and uploading the images onto social networking sites, blogs and websites. So it's hardly a surprise that, from time to time, they might get the urge to press record when they're in the throes of passion.

Provided that the footage doesn't fall into the wrong hands, that's no big deal. But whether you're a celebrity or a civilian, the risk of raunchy pictures or explicit videos coming to light now seems to be all part and parcel of the modern-day break up.

Tulisa decided that they only way to protect herself from feeling "violated or taken advantage of" was to tell her side of the story - which is that she made the tape because she was in love, and now she feels betrayed.

Fortunately for Tulisa, the days when were were shocked by sex tapes are long gone.

But her experience is surely a cautionary tale for other loved-up women who have been tempted to record themselves in action. Because even if you're not a celebrity, these things have a habit of coming back to haunt you.

So if you really want to make a romantic gesture, dinner for two or a romantic weekend away might just be a better way of showing how much you care.

By: Ceri Roberts

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