Ah, this is all rather unfortunate. And not in the slightest bit amusing. So stop sniggering at the back there, please.
An Australian man has been hospitalised after attempting to shoot a fire cracker from between his buttocks in a somewhat ill-advised party trick at the weekend, reports the Daily Mail.
"What must have seemed to be a great idea at the time has backfired, resulting in the male receiving quite severe and very painful burns to his cheeks, bits and private bits," a police sergeant, who was called to the scene, told the press.
It's thought the man has now been flown nearly 2,000 miles from Darwin to Adelaide, where he'll receive treatment in a specialist burns unit.
The 23-year-old may also face a $282 (roughly £190) fine, as it's illegal to set off fireworks in Darwin at any time other than Territory Day on 1 July. And, of course, he'll also have to live with the indignity of being known as That Bloke Who Tried To Shoot A Firework Out Of His A*** for the rest of his life.
The moral of the story? Don't put lit fireworks between your buttocks. See also: don't attempt to ride a lion; don't go skateboarding on the fast lane of the M25; and don't slam your forehead into the sharpened end of a pencil.