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05/07/2013 09:34 BST | Updated 05/07/2013 09:38 BST

Transfer Talk: Chelsea And Tottenham Chase Hulk

Put. That. Coffee. Down. These are the new leads. These are the transfer leads. And to you they're gold. Why? Because the transfer window is open.

Well, they're not gold, because this jibber jabber is going to go on for another SEVEN-AND-A-HALF-WEEKS or so.

Chelsea have already closed a couple of deals. André Schürrle was number one and Marco van Ginkel is set to follow, but they need to fire some deadwood, and that begins with Demba Ba and John Obi Mikel.

The reshaping under Mourinho will see striker Ba, 29, move to Anzhi Makhachkala while midfielder Mikel will follow him out, if anyone wants him. So say the Times.

A-I-D-A. Attention, Interest, Decision, Action. Attention - Do I have you attention? Interest - Are you interested? I know you are, because the Blues and Tottenham are monitoring Zenit St Pertersburg's overrated striker Hulk, according to the Express.

hulk

Not so incredible

He may sound more spectacular than Fred, but that isn't always the case on the pitch. Names, as well as appearances, can be deceiving.

Another overrated Brazilian, Maicon, will be jettisoned by Manchester City, since they have both Pablo Zabaleta and Micah Richards ahead of him at right-back, according to the Mail.

Maicon was one of those rash transfer deadline day signings which ultimately spelt the end for Roberto Mancini. See also: Scott Sinclair and Javi García.

Jesús Navas has already signed for Manuel Pellegrini's City, Alvaro Negredo is likely to follow and the Spanish league trend could continue with Real Madrid centre-back Pepe, say the Independent.

City need cover for Vincent Kompany and Matija Nastasić, and Pepe is the kind of reliable b*****d who is good not only at defending but at irritating opponents.

And Javier Saviola, El Conejo, once one of dozens of Argentinians hailed as the "new Maradona" (along with Carlos Marinelli), as now interesting Cardiff and West Ham, claim the Star.

Only one thing counts in this life: Get them to sign on the line which is dotted.