Breaking Up Is Hard To Do: Why It's Time To Stop Judging The Girls Who Take Him Back

11/07/2013 20:36 | Updated 22 May 2015

Break-ups are tough, but eventually the tears will stop and it will be time to move on. If only relationships were as simple as that. Alexandra Jones explains why it's time to stop hating on the girls who take their boyfriends back - in particular, Louise Thompson...

Dear Louise off of Made in Chelsea,

I am writing to you in the spirit of solidarity. Many a Twitterer/media outlet has been calling you a sap for shedding a few (alright a Hoover Dam's worth) of tears over the slow/painful/lingering demise of your relationship with Spencer. It's as if none of the people writing or tweeting about it have ever been through a break-up. Well I have.

louise thompson spencer matthews

In the six years that I've been with my current boyfriend we've split up and got back together more than once and watching you do the merry I-shagged-him-again-even-though-we-broke-up-last-week dance, I felt nothing but compassion. Because sister, I know all the steps.

Here's the thing - for the people looking in, break-ups are easy to navigate. His friends, your friends, his/your family, millions of viewers across the country, they can all see it for what it is: he's a philanderer, a liar and a douche bag and your best course of action is to stop speaking to him and concentrate on your degree and/or snogging boys in bars.

But break-ups wreak havoc on your heart and head because there are few feelings more awful than the punch-in-the-gut realisation that it's over. Break-ups and the attendant sorrow, grief and heartache make you as weak and needy as a kitten.

In my case, a booze soaked kitten (warning: wine is the ultimate break-up frenemy). Oh, I did it all, turned up at his house in the middle of the night, drunk and crying (and eating a kebab). Shagged wildly inappropriate people (drunk, crying, possibly still eating a kebab). Called him, texted him, ignored him, deleted him, cyber-stalked him, shouted, sulked and listened to lots of sappy music.

Then, I took him back. Even after the time he said he didn't love me, even after the time I found out (from someone over Facebook chat, oh the shame) he'd snogged another girl in front of our friends. After countless arguments and my very own Hoover Dam of tears, I still went back.

Does it make me a sap? Maybe. But anyone who says so doesn't understand break-ups are often as complicated as the relationships themselves. They exist at a junction between love, hate, sadness, regret and about a thousand other things you never imagined you could feel in one go.

Feelings don't just disappear because you've changed your relationship status to "single" and while breaking-up might seem the obvious course of action to the casual commentator, it's unlikely that any couple who've invested time and work in their relationship (i.e. most couples) would call it quits without a little bit of back and forth.

For me, the forth stayed forth...or did the back stay back? We're still together, and happy. Each time we broke-up we worked out things that were bad in our relationship and we're a better couple now than we were the first (or second) time round.

So, Wheeze, screw the haters, you're hot even when you cry (my speciality was rank, snotty tears), you've obviously managed to avoid the sorrow-kebab nexus (you can comfort yourself with the thought that Spenny will most likely end up on Celebrity Fat Fighters) and as my mum says, time heals everything, even scripted reality heartache.

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