Not sure if y'all have noticed but the weather's brightened up a bit as of late. After what feels like about eight and a half years of Winter coats (which are now in desperate need of a trip to the dry cleaners), chapped lips and 80 denier tights, Spring is finally here AND what's more that thing called Summer (remember Summer? No, me neither) is fast approaching.
Which means you'll soon be lounging outside a street corner boozer, Magners in hand, ciggy on the go (you've been peer pressured into it, sun changes people) and jumper free. Look down for a second. See those things growing out your hands? Those are your forearms.
After months of rejecting socialising for the sofa and EastEnders it's time to make some calls. Because guess what? Sunshine equals pub and if you haven't given into the post-work piss up by this time next month then there's something wrong with your tee-total self. Or maybe you're just a better person than me.
While everyone else was mole-like all winter long, I, the seasoned partier of MyDaily, was throwing champagne down my throat and trying to pluck up the courage to speak to Harry Styles. Honestly, I can't remember the last time I went longer than a week without the sauce. Before you start thinking this is some kind of alcoholics anonymous (bar the anonymity) admission, it isn't. No really, I promise.
I'm simply here to tell you how I survive the midweek booze up and still make it to work the following day:
1. Canapes and/or a bag of pork scratchings should not - repeat SHOULD NOT - be considered a meal. Don't let the mere fact that these products are technically food fool you, because boozing on an empty stomach means nothing but trouble. Don't be surprised if you wake up with a black eye. Or a missing shoe. Or a stranger on your couch.
2. Don't drink blue drinks. Seriously, think about it. When was the last time you had a clear head the morning after a night stawpedo'ing
anti freeze WKD? I can answer that question for you. It's never.
3. Avoid champagne. I know this point seems ridiculous, because who doesn't love a drop of pop? BUT this stuff is evil, especially if point one has been ignored. You'll be kissing some bloke in the corner you thought was David Gandy - he wasn't, he works in the IT department and you'll never be able to ask him for help with the printer ever again.
4. Get some water down your neck. Sorry to come over all Pippa Middleton but sipping H20 between pints of snakebite really helps take the edge off.
5. Sleep is for wimps. So you only meant to stay for one drink, you wanted an early night, but hey it's 3am and you're still out. Two hours' sleep is not gonna do you any good, in fact, it will only make 9am in the office worse. Sack off sleep, roll with the punches and you'll probably have your most productive morning in the office ever.
(Just between you and I, I was out last night.)