Farmyard themes and a naked photo shoot - here's Will Gore on the latest episode of Britain And Ireland's Next Top Model.
After last week's underwater photoshoot, the Britain and Ireland's Next Top Model hopefuls were set a lucky dip challenge.
The girls had to draw a card, upon which a particular catwalk challenge was set out for them. Their efforts were to be judged by model Angela Dunn, designer Terry Hart and the extraordinary Louis Mariette, a maker of wacky hats whose apparently liberal use of foundation and hair spray made him look like an exploded Oompa Loompa.
The tasks ranged from the fairly simple – Holly having to wear killer heels – to the ludicrous. Saffron's accessory was a live pig.
The Oompa Loompa dished out some sage advice, "you wear the accessories, don't let the accessories wear you. Unfortunately for Saff her new porcine buddy didn't pay a blind bit of notice.
The porker, called Beau, wasn't all that up for being taken for a walk by a wannabe clothes-horse, and dug his trotters in as she tried to stroll with him down the catwalk.
Saffron ended up having to drag Beau up and down the strip. The trio of judges found the whole thing utterly hilarious. Beau, perhaps the most sensible creature to appear in the series so far, was the only one displaying a modicum of sense by not wanting to play any part in proceedings.
By the look on the pig's face, this seemed to be an experience at least as humiliating as the fate of many of his brethren who end up as the main ingredient in a bacon sandwich.
Other highlights of the catwalk challenge included Angel continuing the farmyard theme by claiming she looked like a "sexy sheep" in her mop-like outfit, and I also enjoyed the description of baby-wielding Sophie. Terry Hart said she looked like "Madonna with child." While it's nice to have a little religion added to such a vacuous show, I must have missed the bit in the Bible when the Virgin Mary modelled stripper heels.
After the challenge news came through that the following day's challenge would be a naked shoot.
Lauren, Angel and Sarah prepared by getting smashed on cocktails and shots – Lauren's prize night for winning the catwalk task - while the girls at home were a little more circumspect. Sophie slept, Naomi moisturised and Emily, with a face only marginally more sulky than when she was forced to wear a birdcage on her head for her runway strut, stuffed her face with Chinese takeaway.
Danni Minogue was deemed the ideal judge to oversee the naked shoot on account of the fact she once got her norks out in Playboy. I presume Tyson was livid he didn't get the gig, but, even though the girls' modesty was protected at all times, he was still delighted with the results. So far this series he's been about as animated as a chunk of roadkill, but suddenly he came alive.
The picture of Holly got an "hmmm, hmmm". He then took one look at the image of Sophie and started slavering something about her looking like she had "just got home from the club and took all her clothes off". When he saw Lauren's upside-down naked shot I worried he might spontaneously combust.
When the time came to reveal this week's evictee, Emily's was told off for her continual moaning. But the army girl was spared the firing squad and it was Laura who was dumped from the competition.
During the catwalk challenge, Saffron pointed out that Laura had looked like she was constipated, and the brown stuff became a rather unfortunate motif as just prior to her eviction, Laura whimpered: "I feel like a bag of poo". As it turned out, she didn't have to wait too much longer to get flushed away.
Read all the latest on Britain and Ireland's Next Top Model here.
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