Lately it seems as if I'm becoming a caricature of myself, almost as if I've begun channeling the worst hormonal excesses of my awkward teenage years. Here's why: I have angry spots on my face and neck, every day lately is a bad hair day (and a fat day) and I'm as clumsy as anything. I also continually forget the most mundane and simple of words for things like "cheese" or "duvet", which stops me dead mid-conversation, leaving me red-faced and feeling foolish.
Let's start with the hair and skin. People say that now I'm in my second trimester that I should be 'glowing'. Well I'm not sure that's ringing very true for me. I've also been told that it can go the other direction and that the hormones can take over – and not in a good way.
For the first time since I was about 17, I have more than four spots on or around my face and neck at the same time. My non-pregnant self still gets the occasional monthly pimple or two in the same place on my jaw-line but this is ridiculous.
Some days I wake up and it's like a volcano has erupted across my cheeks. My hair, normally pleasingly thick and obedient with dedication and the right styling products, manages to be both lank and greasy at the scalp and incredibly dry at the ends at the same time. I can also be frighteningly over-sensitive to the most innocuous remarks and the other day I even caught myself starting to snivel over a TV commercial involving a small dog and a domestic cleaning product. Hello, to you, 1991 – I'd like to say it's good to see you again but I'd be lying!
In my distress at these sudden outwardly obvious physical changes, I've been reading all I can on the subject, and apparently there is some relief ahead. Despite the fluctuating hormones causing the increased sebum production that results in spots and greasy hair, these afflictions should settle down in due course. Increased moisture retention means my skin should appear plumper, temporarily reducing fine lines – at least for the duration of the pregnancy (woop woop!). The clumsiness and teariness, however, will probably continue. Now I just need to find a way to make these symptoms appear charming and winsome to my nearest and dearest or risk alienating everyone around me in true moody 16-year-old style!