When you're at university your world revolves around booze, your bed and, on the rare occasion, the library. Life after graduation is abstract, filled with healthy pay cheques, flats kitted out with White Company furnishings and dressing head-to-toe in Cos.
One minute you're collecting your degree. The next, two years have passed and you're still not in that dream job with a savings account and a cat named Socks. While you're struggling to pay your bills, invites to weddings and baby showers start flooding in like there's no tomorrow. But there is a tomorrow. Trust us.
2. The price of non-happy hour cocktails
Drinks after work will soon get out of hand and you'll end up in an over-priced cocktail bar where they've never heard of happy hour. When it comes to your round it's not acceptable to buy your colleagues vodka red bulls, so be prepared to cough up £14 a drink. Also, get used to supping a potent Old Fashioned because apparently it's not cool to order a Moijto past the age of 21.
3. Five week months exist
In the real world of nine-to-five, five-days-a-week, 52-weeks-of-the-year you're going to get paid monthly. So, that's every four weeks right? Wrong. So flippin' wrong. Sometimes there's FIVE WHOLE WEEKS between pay cheques and you definitely have to budget for these. On top of this, it is certainly not okay to take out a pay day loan endorsed by Kerry Katona to buy £350 thigh-high boots, okay?
4. Student digs are for life
Black mould, second-hand furniture and electric storage heaters will not become a thing of the past once you've left university. Your fridge will smell like gone-off yoghurt until you can afford to buy a house.
5. You'll never use those kitchen "essentials" again
The George Foremun grill, the popcorn maker, the waffle iron and the cow-shaped biscuit tin that goes "moo" when you lift the lid. These will get shoved to the back of the cupboard or end up being shat on by seagulls at the local tip. The same applies to the miniature pool table and Breakfast At Tiffany's poster.
6. It's not okay to turn up to the office wearing any of the following...Your Primark bodycon from the night before, a onesie/pyjama bottoms, anything of the fancy dress variety. In the real world, the vibe is more smart and much less beer-stained, reeking-of-fry-up and creased to within an inch of its life. It's time to invest in at least three white shirts and a media brogue.
True story. In fact, in an interview scenario employers won't ask because the deets are all down on your CV, remember? You'll only be asked by some schmuck you meet for the first time in the bar/through mutual friends and it'll only be so they can talk-up their first. And their masters. And their PHD.
8. A 9am start means getting in half an hour early. At least
Promptness is your key to survival. Being a good 30 mins early means you'll be able to scout out the real grafters in the office, do the Starbucks run for your entire team and be at your desk, ready to roll before the strike of nine.
9. You should have given that freshers fling a second chance
That greasy looking geezer you hooked up with in week one of uni? Fast forward to six months post-graduation. He's flying high as a chartered surveyor, putting down a deposit for a flat and summering in Ibiza. And not the San Antonio side either, he's got monies. And what's that shiny thing he's wearing? FML actual Valentino cuff links.
10. University societies mean sweet FA IRL
Being social sec of the cheese and wine/aromatherapy/netball society at uni will not give you credibility after graduation. In any way. Hate to say it guys, but those society sessions
getting off your face should have been spent in the library perfecting the ol' dissertation and applying for work experience.