35 And Suddenly Single: I Was Lost, But Now I'm Found

14/08/2014 16:52 | Updated 22 May 2015

35 and Suddenly Single: I was lost, but now I'm found

Having never written a column before, I've got to admit that I was expecting it to be a fairly passive experience. I just wanted to get what I was feeling out there and if people could relate and like it, then great, but if it didn't resonate I wasn't going to worry too much either as quite frankly I've got enough on my plate to worry about already. What I really didn't expect was that it might in some way be life-changing.

I wrote the previous column almost a month ago, but it feels like I've been through a lifetime since then and have come out the other side.

After the numbness came a fortnight of horrible, gut-wrenching sadness that hit me like a train, but then in a glorious five days of living in the fields of Avalon it's been lifted, forever.

A while back I wrote about the fact that I hadn't tried to get tickets for Glastonbury last autumn because I thought I might even be pregnant by it, but of course things were turning out very differently.

A Facebook friend, someone I'd been to senior school with but hadn't seen for 15 years but who now works in the music industry, had read my column and contacted me out of the blue to ask if I'd like free hospitality ticket to go Glastonbury three weeks before the event to cheer me up, as she could sort it out for me if I wanted. In the realm of the easiest questions to answer this has to be right up there for me and it took me a millisecond to make up my mind.

So a matter of days later I found myself pitching a tent in the warm June sunshine with the inkling of feelings of something half-remembered... contentment, I think.

If you're not a festival-type then you're probably already thinking this is a bit boring so I shall try not to dwell too much on what happened and shall try and condense it all.

We had mostly beautiful weather and I came away with the tan of my life. I experienced one of those seminal 'you had to be there' moments seeing the Rolling Stones perform an incredible set on the Pyramid Stage with 100,000 others. I made new friends. I even got to see lots of celebs in hospitality and even drunkenly poked my finger almost in Coleen Rooney's face whilst walking past her saying 'Oh, it's Coleen Rooney!'. Whoops. Sorry. But of this the best memories are made.

I even did my best to keep up the partying with the twenty-somethings in the tent next to us, and wasn't found wanting I'm very happy to say!

But mostly I had time. I had time and space away from home to reflect on what's happened, and to come to the realisation that the disruption of the last few months has been for the best. My husband and I weren't right for each other and weren't meant to have kids with each other. It's clear now.

In some ways I even acknowledge the decision he took was a brave one and not one that I would ever have dared to take. But now I'm grateful for it and the new opportunities it has opened up in my life.

I no longer see the separation as an ending, but in fact as an exciting new beginning, and I'm going to take the new and unexpected adventures that come my way with relish.

And I can truly say I found peace, and after months of anguish and turmoil I can't tell you how wonderful it is to feel like that again.

I'm not saying that all this wouldn't have happened if I hadn't been to the festival, but being there definitely speeded up the stages I was going through and I suddenly find myself at the acceptance stage.

Suffice to say it was a combination of events coming together perfectly at a time in my life when I couldn't have needed such a break from reality more, and something just clicked in my head and I just knew all of a sudden that everything was going to be all right.

You might be expecting that when reality hits I'll fall flat on my face. But I've been living back in reality for three weeks now and it really is just fine. I still need to find a lodger and sort out admin and finances but it doesn't faze me at all now. Head down and I'm just getting on with it.

This was my seventh Glastonbury and although they've all mostly been great (apart from a very wet, cold 2007) this one was by far the best and incredibly special to me. I shall never forget how it helped me on the way to healing myself and finding a slightly new me. We are all the sum of our experiences, but I'm not going to be bitter about anything that has happened.

The events of the last few months have changed me, not for better or for worse. I'm just a bit different now but it doesn't matter a jot.

I am now sure that my life is following the path it was meant to, and I know exactly what I have to do next.

Thank you, column. Thank you, Glastonbury.


P.S. 'I was lost, but now I'm found' lyrics are from the Primal Scream song, Movin' On Up. I saw them perform on the Pyramid Stage before the Rolling Stones came on and the words really resonated with me. Of course before they came along you'd also find the words in the hymn Amazing Grace, and approximated in Luke Chapter 15 in the Bible. End of lesson!

You can catch up on Melinda's previous columns here.

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