Hey, guess what? Ke$ha's designed a bunch of jewellery featuring gold penises.
It's called Ke$ha Rose By Charles Albert and now we can all accessorise in a way the 'Tick Tock' singer would love *ecstatic face*!
1) On a hen do. Like everything, there are rules for hen party penises. They must be:
a) Plastic form
b) Cake form
c) Whistle form
They must never be gold. Ever.
2) On a date with someone nice you've met recently. He'll think you're too into penises (uh, we know. You can't win, right?). Unless you met said man recently on Plenty Of Fish/Gumtree - then you can literally wear anything you like. Tights, a hi-vis and penis bangle? Do it.
3) To a wedding. It's the equivalent of doing a Pippa Middleton. The bride wants guests to talk about her, not the willy round your neck.
1) To karaoke. And then sing a Ke$ha song!
2) With all black. Penis jewellery shouldn't have to fight with print to be seen. No one puts penis jewellery in the corner.
3) Girls' nights in. Trackies + penis jewellery = good craic.
4) To an Eighties party. Okay, gold penises are forever - not just for retrospectives - but this type of accessorising adds an unsurmountable level of intrigue to a puffball. Even Madonna didn't have the guts for this, you trailblazer.