Made In Chelsea: Stephanie Pratt Arrives!

14/08/2014 16:35 | Updated 22 May 2015

Spencer confesses he will always have feeling for his ex Louise, but that hasn't stopped him from getting another new girlfriend (who happens to be Stephanie Pratt of The Hills fame). Will Gore explains all below...

So it seems those "amusing" psychotherapy sessions, featuring Spencer and a bored woman, which helped get the new series of Made in Chelsea off to such a cracking start last week are here to stay.

wrongly assumed their inclusion had been a flippant one-off, but last night they were back and presumably they'll keep returning as the weeks progress.


Of course, I should have had some faith. To drop them after one week would have sent out the message Made in Chelsea is a programme that doesn't take mental health issues seriously, a charge that would clearly be grossly unfair. I mean, there was nothing funny about Spencer's admission he sees Louise as a cartoon character, Puss in Boots from Shrek or a Power Puff Girl (whatever the hell that is). Like I said, MiC takes this stuff seriously.

The psychotherapist pointed out that "cartoons don't have any feelings," thinking she had cracked the enigma wrapped inside the twat that is Spencer Matthews. Instead, Spenny got to the nub of the problem himself when he said, "I'll always want to look at (Louise) and play with her face."

This enduring affection has undoubtedly helped contribute to the ending of Louise's relationship with Andy, a coupling that was finally put out of its misery last night. Andy was able to curtail his favourite pastime of staring gormlessly into space for just long enough to open up to Louise about all those little things that have been annoying him (you know, like her getting her Bristols out at a house party).

They were talking over dinner at a Japanese restaurant. Unfortunately for Andy, the seriousness of the points he was raising were rather undermined by the fact he kept taking swigs from the kind of umbrella garnished cocktail that Del Boy would be mighty proud of (I couldn't make out if it was a Baileys and Cherryade, but let's assume so).

The Japanese summit was made more difficult than it already was when Spencer turned up with his smug face and his new squeeze, American gal Stephanie. It didn't take long for a row break out and Andy marched Louise away, leaving Spencer to pay for their dinner and their cocktails, which seemed only fair in the circumstances.

Earlier in the show, Stephanie had settled into Spencer's pad, brimming with confidence that she can tame him. I fear she might end up disappointed on this score. As Stephanie was hanging up her outfits and slagging off his sparkly "Michael Jackson" jacket, Spencer had the look of a terrified Syrian rebel trying to come to terms with the fact that Bashar al-Assad was moving in with him.

It was no great shock then that as soon as Stephanie was out of earshot, Spencer tried to assure his friends that she wasn't his girlfriend. The fact she's only booked a one-way ticket to England (or as Jamie helpfully put it, "a one way ticket to your penis") might suggest otherwise.

All of the simmering resentments of this week's episode came to a head at a polo ground in Windsor. It started light-heartedly enough with Francis keeping up his village idiot act, babbling some German to one of Mark Francis's awful friends. After hearing what he had to say, the object of his attentions, Sophie, calmly advised Francis to never say what he just said out loud again. Turns out he had boasted about having "a long, a very long penis," and, as we all know, nobody likes a show off.

Not too far away, Binky was admitting she once fantasised about being ravished on a hay bale by a polo player. Jamie added to the merriment by insisting Lucy must have actually done the deed with once such jodhpur-clad stud back when she was "fun and slutty".

Once all of this light-hearted misogyny and the willy jokes were done with, things then properly got going. Louise and Andy broke up for good, Spencer and Lucy had a shouting match, and Phoebe engaged in a battle of the ludicrously over-sized hats with her new archenemy, Fran, who seems to be on the verge of going out with Phoebe's old flame, Alex (aka Young Simon Cowell).

Of all the MiC entanglements, the Phoebe-Fran-Alex love triangle is the one to keep an eye out for in the coming weeks, particularly as it seems Jamie, and possibly Binky, will also be entering the fray soon. Spencer had better do something pretty awful to avoid being upstaged. Despite all the psychotherapy, I'm sure he'll be able to think of something.

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