The Duchess of Cambridge's little sister Pippa Middleton has written her very own comprehensive guide to Royal Ascot 2014, complete with betting tips, a guide to finding the best car park and her verdict on what sort of hat you should wear to the event.
In a piece for Vanity Fair the near-royal confesses that, although last year was her very first time at Ascot she bloody well loved it... Especially the horse parade! Spiffing.
"I always enjoy watching the horses in the Parade Ring prancing around like fashion models or film stars," she wrote before offering up some not particularly helpful advice on how to pick a winning horse.
"This is the time to choose the horse to bet on, looking out for those who appear fit, those who are walking well with a certain presence - precocious without being too highly strung - and those who appear relaxed." Riiight. So use your common sense then Pips?
But what should we wear? "One of the most entertaining parts of Royal Ascot is spotting the extraordinary hats, which last year included everything from a serving of Mr Whippy 99 Flake ice cream to a full English breakfast to a fanciful turban, a three-tiered cake, a macaroon stand, and a black swan," she wrote.
"Normally the most outrageous ones send the photographers into a wild frenzy and are likely to end up in print the following day. I haven't experimented with a wacky statement headpiece just yet, but I'm working on it!"
While Pippa says fascinators are "fine" she really means that you should wear a hat. But the one thing she's adamant should be included in your race day getup is a pair of wedge heels.
Side note: They don't have to be cork. Phew!
"I recommend wedged shoes to avoid sinking into the grass (as I did last year) - there's often a lot of walking from place to place."
Read the full article on Vanity Fair online now and find out about Pippa's recent bad career news here.
LOVE PIPPA? See more from the columnist in her style file below.