"We should meet up soon," I found myself blurting out at an old school friend I bumped into on the train a few months back. "Yeah, it's been such a long time," she responded (I did some maths and turns out it's been two years since we last saw each other). "Text me."I never did text her. I'd almost forgotten the empty promise when I spotted her on the train again. Without even thinking I buried my head in the paper hoping she wouldn't catch sight of me. "Shit, I never did text her. I really should've text her," I thought to myself as I slumped further into my seat and my stomach began churning with guilt.
It was then I had my light bulb moment and realised there's a reason we're not in touch anymore. It's not my fault. It's not anyone's fault.
In your twenties you end up saying goodbye to a shed load of people from your past without even realising it. While some will stay pals with their school friends for forever, it's not always that simple. When I went off to uni over six years ago I honestly thought I'd stay close to my BFF classmates even though we were all going our separate ways. I didn't.
It was the same with university buddies. We were joined at the hip for three years and but after graduation, we resorted to the odd Facebook chat message to try and keep in touch.
While I could lose sleep over who I should really call for a catch up, I've decided not to because...
1. It takes two, baby
Just as Marvin Gaye once sang, it takes two. While Marve wasn't exactly referring to you and your former best pal hitting up the park bench on a Friday evening with a bottle of Diamond White, the same rules apply. Sure, you didn't text Sophie when you meant to, but guess what? Sophie didn't text you either.
Unless you're the one doing the actual boying off ("Oh Soph, I'd love to come for dinner but, er, I'm washing my hair.") then there's no reason to feel bad. You haven't met up because neither of you have arranged it. There's only so many times you can contemplate a drink after work without actually doing it. Now is the time to stop it.
2. People change
The girl you used to play in the sandpit with when you were six probably isn't the same girl you want to be sipping cocktails with now that you're twenty-six. Simple as. Jules has got kids and a husband now and really doesn't want to hear how your Tinder date went. And Hannah, well Hannah's a doctor and is busy saving people's lives while you try and beat your top score on Candy Crush. People have different priorities now - let's accept it and move on.
3. True love doesn't always last
A friendship is the same as every relationship, think about all the times you told your ex boyfriend you loved him and how much you hate his sorry ass now. You got over your last romantic breakup and you're probably better off for it now. It's hard to deal with, but you get there eventually. The same applies to your mates. Sometimes it's just time to break up.