PARENTS

10 Worst Parenting Offences Committed On Facebook

04/01/2015 18:46 | Updated 20 May 2015

Mother and baby using digital tablet

OK, we've all done it. You take a gorgeous/hilarious/fortunate/model-worthy (delete as appropriate) snap of your little angel and you just can't resist sharing it with 257 friends (most of whom you haven't actually caught up with since having kids.)

You simply click and collect the likes. And let's be honest, who doesn't like to be reminded that the little cherub who just threw a wobbler because you cut her sandwiches into squares not triangles, is actually quite cute.

But there are some parents for whom Facebook is more than just a means of sharing and caring. It's a competitive sport; a quest for admiration, sympathy, a tool to prove that their child is the most exemplary thing ever to have come out of a uterus. They post so many photos of their kids, you wonder if they've ever actually seen them without the aid of a lens.

Not content with a reward chart on the fridge, these parents are determined to saturate our news feed with their offspring's latest endeavours and successes. From peeing in the potty to training for the 2024 Olympic Games, no milestone is left unshared.

So here, in no particular order, are some of the worst offenders:

1. The Stealth Boasters

You know who they are. Those 'friends' whose names are synonymous with showing off (while pretending not to, of course.)

They specialise in posting supposedly innocent updates and photographs of their little monkeys, while accidentally on purpose highlighting their exceptional capabilities. ''Cheeky Sebastian, reading when he should be asleep. And those Biff and Kipper books are soooo dull. Thank goodness he's on the last level. (Did I mention he's only 5?)''

2. The Stealthless Boasters.

There's nothing subtle about these braggers. Their pride knows no (social) boundaries, from instagramming their kids' entire school reports, to videos of toddlers bashing out Fur Elise on the Steinway, to blatantly announcing their offspring's latest Mensa score. Their mission is to make sure we all know how G and T (that's Gifted and Talented, in case you haven't heard) their children are. Hang on, aren't we all proud of our children - even the ones not cut out for Oxbridge?

#soproud

3. The Super Users

These people are so ingrained in FB, that they no longer bother with normal methods of communication - like err, speaking.

Last month I actually found out I was an aunty thanks to a post which 34 other (unrelated) people had already liked. Seriously. I just hope my nephew has more manners when he grows up.

Oh, and posting Happy Birthday on my timeline in between playing Candy Crush and Farmville, does not constitute sending a birthday card.

4. The Moaners

You wonder why these people had kids in the first place. Judging from their timelines, they probably wonder themselves. Their kids are constantly waking up at 5am, puking on the cream carpet, smearing Sudocrem on the sofa, bickering, biting, breaking things and generally being a pain in the arse. (Or perhaps, just being children.) Their posts are constant cries for sympathy. Just don't mention the summer holidays. #soannoyed

5. The Over-Sharers

The kid only has to fart for it to be broadcast on social media, along with other details of his digestive system. Sorry, but just because your child wears nappies, doesn't mean I want to know the colour of his poo, any more than I want to know the colour of yours. Some things are best shared with the health visitor.

6. The Foodies

Along with the obligatory sprog pics, they also post regular photographs of what they're having for tea, along with helpful captions. ''Mmm scrumptious lasagne.'' ''Yummy, roast chicken tonight.'' Unless you've some amazing new foodstuff to share (Lotus caramelised biscuit spread anyone?) don't bother. We all know what shepherd's pie looks like.

7. The Everything's Rosies

At the opposite end of the spectrum to the moaners, these people love every second of parenting. It's nothing but endless fun, fun, fun. ''Having a great day at Legoland.'' ''Amazing time at Centre Parcs.'' ''Fab trip to The Maldives.'' After a while, it's just nauseating - especially when you're feeling knackered or skint. #havingfun

8. The So Whats?

Yes, parenting can be mundane, but that doesn't mean you have to share every detail of your day with 194 friends. ''Just put Chloe down for a nap.'' ''Hanging out the washing.'' ''Cleaned the bathroom.'' Really? Wow. Thanks for enlightening me.

9. The Alter Egos

These people are so different on Facebook, to how they are in real life that you wonder if they're actually the same person. In the playground she barely makes eye contact, let alone opens her lips, yet on Facebook she's got an opinion on everything. ''Can't believe so-and-so's pregnant again ....''

and finally, 10. The Lurkers. These are the people who stalk, but don't share. Too lazy, or aloof to join the party, they watch silently from cyberspace. And while they won't condescend to comment, they always know what's happening. They're probably scrutinising your profile right now....

So there you go - the most irritating parenting types to come out of Facebook. We've probably all been guilty at some point. Which one are you?

More on Parentdish: Are you a humble brag parent?

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