profile image

Jim Smallman

Award-winning heavily tattooed comedian, writer, voiceover artist, wrestling promoter and professional idiot.

I'm currently a nomadic stand-up comedian with a lot of tattoos and even more baggage. I perform all over the UK and beyond, despite being too old (34) to appear on BBC3 or E4. I'm fond of doing incredibly silly things in the name of winning a bet. I have a daughter called Amelia who appears a lot on any material that I write, as she's the sensible yin to my childish yang. She's nine years old. I'm a nerd, a proper one (not just someone with thick-framed glasses who claims to be one to meet girls) with an obsession with video games, films, music, comic books, comedy (obviously), 1980s kids TV, wrestling and technology. I grew up in rural Leicestershire so despise the political party that allegedly rules our nation. I get angry with a lot of things, especially east London hipsters. I once talk a horse through a McDonalds drive through and I've been tazered. Not at the same time. I'm on twitter - @jimsmallman - and have a website - - where I list my upcoming gigs and upload videos comparing Jessie J to inanimate objects. I have too much time on my hands. God help you all.

Atmosphere Over Money: A Trip to Borussia Dortmund

We've all heard about German football and how cheap it is compared to the sport here. Once you go there, you realise that it's impressive in so many more ways that just financially. I'll never stop loving football in England, but seeing it in Germany was a massive epiphany in my life as a fan.
17/02/2015 17:35 GMT

It's All Come to This: GTA V Launch Day Experiences

I won't ruin the game for anybody who hasn't played it yet, but I must make a serious point about it: It is even better than I expected. Everything about it feels amazing; it is as close to perfection as a video game can be, and totally worth the time and effort that Rockstar have gone to to develop it over the last few years.
18/09/2013 14:03 BST

It's What Saturdays Are For: Match 1: Bristol City vs Wolves

I know that I said I wouldn't begin my football watching challenge until September, but with me knowing in advance that I'll have to miss a couple of Saturdays in the Autumn because of work and family commitments, I thought it only correct to cram in a couple of extra games in August.
19/08/2013 23:15 BST

Meeting Your Heroes: Foley Is God

Over the past weekend I have been lucky enough to be supporting professional wrestling legend turned stand-up comedian Mick Foley on tour. This is his third tour of the UK that I've worked on, and I think that I'm now familiar enough with him to consider him a friend.
29/04/2013 15:14 BST

Luis Suarez: Dealing With a Cannibal

Thing is, when Luis Suarez decided to bite Branislav Ivanovic, he wasn't exactly on my list of favourite footballers. Even before his impression of a petulant toddler that hasn't been allowed a biscuit, he was already a deplorable human being.
22/04/2013 17:23 BST

Transfer Deadline Day: Club by Club Guide

Like most football fans I'm glued to the TV when it's transfer deadline day, in the vain hope that my team will buy the talisman that we need to get promoted and chase trophies.
01/02/2013 17:43 GMT

The REAL Threat To Society: The 50-Something Middle Classes

Clad in tweed and carrying a wicker shopping basket, she looked like exactly the kind of person that the <em>Daily Mail</em> would use in an advertising campaign to drum up support for their publication: Despite a plethora of seats being available, she chose to sit next to me
07/01/2013 16:43 GMT

Make Your Own Glastonbury

I awoke Sunday morning to a storm of complaints on my Twitter timeline because nobody could get hold of Glastonbury tickets. With this in mind, I have drawn up the following tips to enable you to have your own Glastonbury in the comfort of your own home, saving you several hundreds of pounds and giving you EXACTLY the same experience.
07/10/2012 21:03 BST

Making The Party (Conference) Season Better

I heard talk of the current session of parliament ending ready for party conference season, making me think back to when I worked in an office and the three weeks leading up to our Christmas shindig was a nightmare of people preparing for our get together like it was the only time they'd ever been to a party.
21/09/2012 09:39 BST