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How to Make Your Fortune on the Royal Baby

09/05/2013 18:00 BST | Updated 09/07/2013 10:12 BST

There are a lot of people betting a lot of money on the name of the future Royal Baby - and after considerable research, I have worked out how to beat the bookies.

No, not just beat them. Absolutely cane them.

We hope.

Of course, it may all go pear-shaped. That is the nature of being a punter. But if I'm right, then I - or at least my kids - will be rolling in so much money that they will finally be able to stump up for the £340 Star Wars Lego Death Star.

So here is my analysis of that tricksy little business that is the naming of our future monarch.

If you look on any of the betting websites at the moment, you will see that as regards Royal Baby Bets, traditional girls' names are far and away the favourites. On Betfair, names like Elizabeth and Mary and Margaret are all coming in at pretty short odds of around ten to one.

Compare these odds to those for boys' traditional names. When I last looked, names like Charles, Michael and Andrew were all over 100/1.

The reason the boys' names are such long odds is because of that now infamous "D-word" that the Duchess of Cambridge uttered two months ago. Some woman in the street gave Kate a teddy and Kate is then thought to have replied, "Is this for our dau..."

Royal pundits immediately took this to mean that Kate had practically blurted out that she was expecting a daughter. Suddenly it seemed a racing certainty that Kate was having a girl.

That's a pretty big assumption - based entirely on whether Kate did indeed say the "D-word". It now seems - and I'm not kidding - that Kate may in fact have said, "Is that for us, Awww..."

On such trifling details are gambling fortunes won and lost.

What it means is that the odds on Kate having a girl are exactly what they've always been: 50-50.

Meanwhile this week, we have news that Kate may well be expecting a boy. Prince Harry certainly thinks it's a boy and Kate has also been seen buying some blue baby-kit.

The smart punters should definitely bet on Kate having a boy. They're getting fabulous odds on what is effectively a two-horse race.

But you've still got to get the right name. I think it's safe to say that Kate and William will not be going off piste with this one. They will be picking a safe, traditional, commonplace name like Henry, or Philip, or William, or Charles. They might, perhaps, plump for something a little off-beat like Louis, after Lord Mountbatten, or even Michael. But not in a million years are they going to be picking names like Dexter or Geordie or Max.

That is my analysis - and since the weekend, my two sons (aged eleven and seven) have been piling right in. They have been using their pocket money to make a series of £2 bets on all of the more traditional boys' names.

Now all we need is for Kate to kindly deliver us a male heir. My only slight worry is what will happen if any of my boys' bets do actually bring home the bacon. They'll be hooked on gambling for life!