I do love these reports about the closing gap between the sexes and how men are getting all domesticated, while we women beat our chests in the boardroom.
Sounds good doesn't it? All these blokes with their Marigold rubber gloves on and pegs in their mouths, hanging out their smalls with dedication and pride.
Yes, these reports always have juicy headlines but rarely any meat in the content. The latest, from Oxford University this week, reveals that the average man has increased the amount of time he spends on domestic duties by more than 60 per cent over the past 30 years.
Actually, the truth is that men are only doing 27 minutes more housework a day than they did 10 years ago. That's an extra three minutes or so a day built up over a decade. Whoopee doo! Hardly revolutionary.
It's time this gap really started closing and working couples truly elect to share household chores - 50-50. Too often, and I know from experience, women are expected to do the famous 'second shift' once they come through the door after a commute from their workplace.
I had a quite a heated debate on this on the radio with Britain's favourite 'cave man' the other night - racing pundit and lovable rogue John McCririck. While calling me ball-breaker (!)..he stood his ground and affirmed that the kitchen is a woman's 'territory' and that it is in our biology to gravitate to the kitchen sink! Well, luckily for John he has a wife that indulges this deluded fantasy and she is in a total minority, thank goodness.
But he did make a good point about assumed gender roles and masculinity. There is still a positive air of resentment from a lot of men at even the slightest suggestion of scrubbing the loo, ironing their own shirts or alternating cooking duties. Hands up, who's had more 'spontaneous take-aways' on his cooking nights than hot dinners?! Yes, same here.
I no doubt there'll be the odd teething problem as the balance is addressed. I once lived with a man who put Cillit Bang crystals in the washing machine instead of washing powder - my frillies literally marched out of the door! I also shared a flat with a guy who would 'save his socks'. Yes, he would leave his stinking socks piling up for weeks and do a 'sock wash'. But at least he did his own washing.
This is not about emasculating men either. There are some jobs men are just better at - I hold my hands up and happily surrender to the fact that I for one cause more damage and destruction with a power tool than a Kenwood Mixer! But at least I give DIY a go and sometimes with good results.
What I'm really stressing here is mutual respect and concern for each other's time and needs. So, gentlemen, pop on that apron... with pride. It signifies that you value you partner (yes, partner) and recognise sharing household chores brings a lot of good returns. Less time arguing over the washing up means less stress and certainly more quality time in the bedroom!
For the record, I don't have a problem with women (or men) who wish to be full-time homemakers. But if you are a working woman living with a man, sharing house chores is important if not essential to love, peace and harmony.
If his strong point is cooking and yours gardening, great, go for it. But, while eating a great dinner is wonderful, washing up afterwards on your own can leave a bitter taste if the task is not shared or at least alternated.
Indeed, I would go as far as saying real men do housework and those who assume it is 'women's work' are truly living in the dark ages and need to step up their game. With men remaining in their independent bachelor years much longer these days, knowing how to cook and clean are not just admirable 'extra' qualities but essential.
Start them young too. Teaching young boys how to cook, tidy up after themselves and yes, wait for it, use a washing machine not only gives them the practical skills to survive on their own once they leave home, but also boosts their esteem. Too often the out-dated notion that domesticity is for women only, comes from the messages received as children. Luckily that's changing.
Just the other day, I watched with great pleasure as my sister instructed her twin eight-year-old sons on the art of washing the pots. Yes, there were huffs and eyes rolling (mainly my sister's) but once they had completed the task (and aching to get out the kitchen door to play football) they were really pleased with themselves.
Just look at the 'Jamie Oliver' generation - these are the guys who are now as savvy and sophisticated in the kitchen as any Nigella Lawson wannabes. Yes, the likes of Jamie and Gordon Ramsay have made the kitchen sexy, masculine and creative for a whole new generation of men. Long may it reign.
There will always be the cavemen who would rather sit living in a pig sty eating junk than lift a finger in the name of domesticity. But if they want to catch a modern day woman, they need to put their remote control down and pick up a feather duster.
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Kristin Maschka: Mothers & Fathers in the Land of Oz
I suspect the author is young......bright ....but not yet wise.
In America, women literally dropped the ball by not continuing to insist the ERA be ratified.
Many mothers still coddle their young boys, treating their young girls as if they were more suited for the positions of cleaner and cook. If these mothers will stop this ridiculous behavior, the problem will end all by itself.
My wife on the other hand is the professional homemaker. She does all the laundry (insists on it) and half of all the other chores.
My three neighbors (one medically retired, one a part-time handy-man, the other a teacher w/summers off) think I'm getting the short end of the deal - after all their wives are the bread winners AND do most of the housework.
But, then again, they wouldn't dream of doing what I did, going out on a whim and buying a $50,000 sports car.
How's that big hot thing in the kitchen work again? Someone said you should always turn it on to 350. Is that right?
I also don't have a dishwasher but I do seem to have a dish cleaning fairy who comes in while I'm napping. Whoosh! Dirty dishes turn to clean ones. (I wonder if my wife is aware of this?)
I react to a vacuum cleaner much like the dog. It's noisy and scary and just want to yell at it.
Seriously, I think this is a stereotype borne of sitcoms and Erma Bombeck devotees. Men should do their share of housework but please, do not put an apron on your son. Just...don't.
Realistically men do plenty of cleaning, cooking, child care, and just about every other domestic duty short of breast feeding. The generalized complaints need to stop it's dated rhetoric that does not correctly asses modern thought, culture, or attitudes.
Talking about all "men" or "women" as though a cohesive and identical whole is pointless.
It's all about how lads are brought up though isn't it? Mothers can be their own worst enemies really, especially with boys. Over-indulgent to the point of thoroughly ruining them for the next most important woman that comes into their lives - the girlfriend and possible future missus. My son bless him never suffered and awas taught to be a lot self-reliant. He's now a chef in London and so his fashion designer girlfriend is well catered for. She's to busy to cook in any case.
The important data is not "how much housework do men do" or, even, "how much car maintenance do women do". If you really want to ask 'are things fair', you need to look at time use data as a whole. Even in the 2000/1 ONS Time Use Study, we learnt that women do more unpaid work, men do more paid work, the bottom line was that women and men do about the same amount of 'work' (be that paid, unpaid or childcare) and have about the same amount of leisure time.
Funnily enough, that survey found that with about the same amount of leisure time, women spend a little more of it in bed, sleeping, while men spent a little more at pubs, playing sport etc. The difference was pretty marginal though. Bottom line... men and women were both pulling their weight... a decade ago. It's all there in the report published by the Equal Opportunities Commission (the gender equity body incorporated into the Equality Commission).
Maybe we've just found a new thing to compete over?
If that isn't dedication to cooking I don't know what is! Admittedly I did then think that that had earned me a reprieve from the clear up. But that's another matter...