THE BLOG

Nine Helpful Definitions for Internet Users Who Can't Take a Joke

27/12/2015 19:57 GMT | Updated 23/12/2016 10:12 GMT

Hello, and welcome to The Internet. As many people have not yet learnt to take a joke, this User's Glossary will assist in defining some common terms.

1. Humour: The tendency of certain cognitive experiences to provoke amusement. Humour is often accompanied by laughter and smiling, and is rarely experienced by those with spindly switches of timber marooned within their inter-gluteal clefts.

2. Hyperbole: The use of exaggerated speech to make a point. Example:

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3. Parody: Also called a spoof, this form of comedy replicates a subject in an amplified, mocking way. Example:

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4. Satire: A form of parody that uses a deliberately overemphasized imitation of a character or idea to illustrate its absurdity. Example:

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5. Irony: When the expressed meaning of something is the exact opposite of its actual meaning. Example:

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6. Sarcasm: Ironic language used to express an idea in a hyperbolic way. (Ex: "Temper tantrums are my favourite.")

7. Raunch: A form of comedy which employs references to bodily functions. (Ex: "He's a real fartknocker.")

8. Troll: A lonely, pathetic, shut-in without social skills who is unable to recognize items 1-8 and wages anonymous attacks on other internet users. (*Note: since trolls are incapable of empathy, arguing with them is as productive as consulting Katy Price for marriage advice.)

9. Writer: A fickle, self-loathing, artistic type who can't keep his/her material to him/herself. (*See example in bio below)

If the terms defined in The Internet User's Glossary are too difficult to understand, or if number 8 describes your general disposition, you may want to spend your time watching Jeremy Kyle from the comfort of your own track suit. Otherwise, welcome home, fartknockers!

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Crystal Lowery is an American mom working in England. You can find her blogging at Creepy Ginger Kid and she'd love for you to follow her on www.facebook.com/creepygingerkid