I don't want a man to treat me like a princess or treat me like a lady. I don't even want a guy to treat me - if he wants to split the bill, that's more than fine with me but I'd like for just one of them to treat me with respect.
This could further cement my singledom or it could encourage men to flock and beg to prove me wrong.
I may come across as a bitter, twisted, damaged, pessimistic, cynical old maid. I assure you only two of those things are true.
Have submissive females been bringing up this generation of men with father figures showing little or no respect? 99.9% of the men I meet have mothers. Some have sisters. I thought boys with sisters would be on my side. Some must really hate their mothers and sisters, judging by the way many are treating women.
Of course us girls have male friends who are brilliant. We probably know one or two solid relationships. I find myself thankful to be single because of a mixture of unimpressive examples of domestic non-bliss and a heady cocktail of disillusionment repeatedly present in the guise of potential lovers.
At 17 I was told something: look at how a man treats his pets and his mother. He will be with his kids as he is with his pets. The mother relationship will be mirrored with his wife.
Perhaps it is time to abandon that theory and while I'm at it, find a guy with a sister whom he likes, as I noticed a pattern: all the men I loved had brothers - one was an only child.
I had been in relationships since that first at 17. It lasted 11 years.
I turned the milestone ages of 30 and 40 single.
I am now almost three years single, the longest time by a whopping 30 months.
There was a trend on twitter: #WhyRelationshipsDontLast. I decided it's because a new one means you can wipe the slate clean & try to get it right the next time.
I am not actually referring to myself apart from one lesson learned and never to be repeated - from my first relationship.
I make a little joke that's sadly not far from the truth. Every guy I have ever dated and lived with has gone straight from me to the mother of his children / future wife.
They all had no problem in taking all the good stuff we had to put into their next relationships. There are at least three women who should be thanking me, not hating me, I mean who do they think taught him? It wasn't his mother. I better reel in my own ego lest we forget, it's me that is single, not them...
Most men I date are younger and haven't had their hearts broken. They've had less time to become bitter and resentful. I don't have a problem in seeing it as a short-term arrangement either because let's face it, there is the potential they'll trade me in for a younger, slimmer, prettier, childbearing model but hey, that comes with the territory.
I'm not ruling out older guys, I just haven't found myself with one. All I'd really like to know is...where are all the nice men hiding?
I won't settle so would rather be single than with someone who isn't right. That's why I tell guys that I know aren't right, that I'm not looking for a relationship. I am, just not with them. What part of "I'm not looking for a relationship" do they not understand by the way? Maybe they simply don't believe women want lovers without there being any love involved.
I do meet men that I like, who I don't ask anything of. We have a laugh yet suddenly they turn.
I then assume - or rather accept as it's an unspoken law - it's my fault. I must have done or said something wrong. I try and find clues to its demise.
Did I dare do something thoughtful? Did I text one too many times? Reply to him faster than I should have?
What follows is the most profound rudeness known to man - silence. When did it become acceptable to totally ignore a human you shared intimacy with?
If I call, text or email someone I expect, nay demand a reply. Call me old fashioned but I was brought up to be polite. I won't take the hint - the truth is faster.
After the third ignored message you think, "I've nothing to lose by sending another".
Women remember little details - men don't. We recollect what they said they'd do (that they didn't) - they don't. I want to text "you are rude" but I'll send something nonchalant.
What I should be doing is erasing their number from my phone but it would miraculously find its way back in there. I will see them again and be fine with whatever game it is they're playing. I won't grumble for fear of them thinking I am all the things they already think I am - that I am not. We will probably stay "friends" and I'll be cool, putting up with stuff that my real friends wouldn't dream of doing. He'll probably still not return calls or messages.
While I wait, I can't help feeling my best years are slipping by. I'm the youngest today I will ever be again so wherever he is, I do wish he'd hurry up.
A note: please don't take out on me what she did to you, ok? Just because I'm game, it's not ok to shoot me.
Disclaimer: This piece is based on actual events. In certain cases incidents, characters and timelines have been changed for dramatic purposes. Certain characters - including myself - may be entirely fictitious.