Going through a break-up is never easy: you’ll want to sing Beyoncé, drink a lot of vodka and leave your ex an emotional voicemail at 3am.
But there are lessons to take from other people’s heartbreak to make the whole thing a little less difficult for you.
Now Redditors have shared the most valuable things they learnt from break ups: the good, the bad and the downright ugly.
1. Realise It Was Never Right, And Is Never Going To Be
“Was in a quasi-relationship for 6 years. The entire time I kept convincing myself that the relationship would get better eventually (i.e. once she is out of her parents house things will be better) but they never were. It wasn’t until I broke up with her that I started to realise how silly it is to try and fix a relationship that was never really right to begin with.”
2. Remember All The Excuses You Made For Them
“It’s over the minute you start making excuses for them. When people tell you who they are, listen.”
3. Work On What You Could Have Done Better
“Any serious breakup I’ve had has been a great (and important) opportunity to reflect and better myself. Not that I was ever ‘the problem’, but when things don’t work out, there’s usually at least some fault on both sides. Take it as chance to think about what you’d do differently if you had the chance, and don’t make the same mistakes next time.”
4. Don’t Hate Your Ex
“Someone hating all their exes is a dealbreaker for me. Either they’re not willing to accept their role in the bad parts of their relationships or they really do only date assholes. If the latter, then that makes me think they’re only attracted to assholes and I don’t really want to dwell on what that says about my personality.”
5. Know That You Can Make Yourself Happy
“Realise that I do not have to be in a relationship to be happy.”
6. Make Sure You Have Your Own Friends To Support You
“Make sure that when you’re dating someone, you carve out time to be with your friends. Even in the absolute best relationships, you need to have your own circle of people separate from the relationship. If the relationship ends on a bad note, you have a support structure as you transition into single life and all of the free time that comes with it. If all of your friends are shared, then someone is getting cut out of the social group.”
7. Realise Closure Is Overrated
“Closure just seems like a way to extend the heartbreak on both sides. Closure might happen years later when both of us are happier with other people but not otherwise.”
8. Know That Things Won’t Always Make Sense
“Sometimes you have to let go of great people because the timing is off. The right person at the wrong time is still, in reality, the wrong person.”
9. It’s Okay If You Don’t End Up Being Friends
“I was with my ex for 7 years or so and felt that I owed it to her to keep in touch with her to make sure she was doing ok. Sometimes it’s better to have her think you’re an asshole than it is to think she still has a chance.”
10. Don’t Talk About Them On Your Tinder Date
“I thought it would sound sophisticated if I mentioned how I was still friends with my ex- on my first date back on the scene. Bad Idea. New girl interpreted that as me still having a thing for the ex.”