LIFESTYLE

11 Reasons Why Mayonnaise Is The Food Of The Devil

Send to the condiment graveyard.

06/03/2017 11:02 | Updated 11 September 2017

Now we like to think of ourselves as tolerant people, but this mayonnaise thing has officially gone too far.

With reports that, for the first time ever, mayonnaise has outsold ketchup (by a fairly large £7 million in sales nonetheless), we’re starting to get a little worried that Brits are developing a taste for the creamy waste-of-space, that we’d rather see resigned to the back of the fridge forever. 

Here are 11 reasons why mayonnaise is truly the worst condiment in existence. 

1. It is made of raw eggs and oil.

Trying to give you greasy food poisoning right from the off. 

2. It demands everyone call it mayo. 

Like, who does it think it is?

3. It looks totally NSFW when you serve it.

Sorry grandma.

4. It looks so suspicious when you spill it on your crotch.

Yes we are all judging you. 

5. It is listed on Wikipedia as a ‘stable emulsion’.

Er, no thank you. 

6. It gets a yellow crust when you leave it on your plate too long. 

We don’t need that kind of pressure. 

7. It has a weird smell about it. 

The smell of disappointment.

8. It sneaks itself into sandwiches all the time.

Without announcing itself.

9. And into our hamburgers.

Just leave our meat alone.

10. It is packed with non-tasty calories.

Just saying you could be having more bread.

11. It makes everyone forget about the joy of ketchup and mustard.

The condiment family doesn’t need you mayonnaise.

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