Mum Shares Story Of 'Love And Loss' To Help Those Feeling Suicidal

'There is always hope.'

06/05/2016 18:15 | Updated 06 May 2016

A mum has revealed how her pregnancy and the birth of her baby daughter "forced her to live" after her husband's sudden death.

Sinéad Hingston, 35, was 19 weeks pregnant when her husband, Geoff, died in July 2011 while they were on holiday in Portugal. The couple had been married just seven months.

"I have never felt a wave of darkness wash over me as quick as I did that day," she wrote on Facebook.

Sinéad Hingston with her daughter Lily and boyfriend

"I don't remember a huge amount from the moment I got that news... 'I'm sorry we did everything we could, he didn't make it'," Hingston continued.

"I laughed nervously. Then I passed out."

Hingston said she doesn't remember much of her pregnancy until around the time her waters broke, at 1am on 11 December 2011.

"There it was. The moment I had been waiting for, to hold our beautiful baby, the one we had made together, the reason I was still here," she wrote.

"I had no idea how I was going to do this but but with my mum and sister by my side, she made her appearance.

"Our beautiful, perfect baby girl. I felt a new wave of relief, but also devastation.

"She was out, (albeit two weeks early) she survived 19 weeks of me crying, unable to eat, unable to breathe, panic attacks.

"She was perfect. But he wasn't here. Nothing could have prepared me for that bit. The pain in my heart that he would never get to meet her."

Hingston found strength in her daughter Lily, now four, who she described as "the light in my world".

"She knows just what to say, when to say it (sometimes a little too much!)," the mum wrote.

"She makes me smile and laugh in ways that I never thought I'd be able to again.

"She talks openly about the man she never met, her Daddy. It's her 'normal'."

Hingston decided to share her story in the hope it will to help others who are feeling depressed or suicidal.

"There is always hope," she wrote. "Time is a wonderful thing we all take for granted in everything we do.

"I have my ups and downs. I'd be lying if I said that I had never thought about how much better off everyone would be if I wasn't around, but those thoughts pass.

"There are days where I really just want to curl up under a duvet and not leave the house, but I make myself, because I know that feeling will pass, I know things get better, I'm living proof. When you hit the bottom, the only way is up again.

"So when you are feeling like this is it, like you can't do this anymore, just wait... Just take your time.

"Take a deep breath and surround yourself with the people/things that make you feel better, that make you feel happy.

"Talk to people, they will want to help but they need to know you feel that way (we are scarily amazing at hiding how bad we can feel).

"Do that for as long as it takes, because time will help you rebuild, it will help you feel better. That I promise you."

In 2013 Hingston met a "wonderful man" who she and Lily "adore", something she confesses she thought she'd never be able to do again.

Hingston's post recieved many comments telling her she is an "inspiration".

Hingston told The Huffington Post UK: "I have been completely overwhelmed by all the amazing messages and a lot of people seem to have related to it in one way or another so that means it's done what I had hoped it would. My story of love, loss and hope."

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