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Gareth Edmundson

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Why David Hasselhoff Can Bring Peace to Iran, Israel and the Rest of the Middle East

Posted: 1/03/2012 00:00

Does this Israel vs. Iran situation and what's been happening in Syria scare the bejeesus out of everyone or is it just me? Thing is, this latest round of "my nuclear weapon is bigger than your pre-emptive strike" or "I choose to answer democracy with bombs" is nothing new really.

The Middle East has been a problem forever and this is just the latest episode. Since the 1970s, Presidents Carter, Reagan, Bush, Clinton, W. Bush and now Obama have all tried and they've all failed. They even threw in Tony Blair as Middle East Envoy but it appears the only thing Tony achieved was a tan.

What will Obama's next move be? More sanctions? More meetings at Camp David and press statements about a 'constructive debate'. I say enough is enough. We need to try something else, we need to think differently and we need to take a stand together. We also need a leader for this cause. But who?

David Hasselhoff, that's who - and Obama's next move should be to make the Hoff Secretary of State too.

David Hasselhoff, the next US Secretary of State? Yes, David Hasselhoff, and I'll give you three conclusive reasons why...

1. It's the 1980s, the cold war was still being fought, missiles aimed at Moscow and Washington DC and a giant wall in Berlin. The Hoff stood on that wall, sang Looking For Freedom in a flashing coat of hope and the wall came down. Communism was broken, capitalism reigned, the Cold War thawed and peace spread. After this the wall in Israel and giving hope to people oppressed across the world will just be child's play.

2. David Hasselhoff has already found and diffused nuclear weapons, as he proved in an episode of Baywatch. KITT, his car in Knight Rider was equipped with bomb detection, so there is no chance of Iran hiding anything. The car was basically indestructible, making any pre-emptive strike from Israel or missiles reigning down sponsored by President Assad totally pointless.

3. The Hoff is the most watched actor ever and global problems need a global superstar. With Baywatch being watched by over a billion people, everyone will know who he is and take him seriously when he starts talking about freedom and peace.

Exactly. Now you name a better candidate for Secretary of State.

The good news for the world is that after America's Got Talent he may well be looking for his next challenge, to become a peace Hoffering to the world once again.

Ahmadinejad, Assad and Netanyahu may be scoffing at this suggestion, but they should ignore it at their peril. Their opinions are the minority. The vast majority of people across the world, and this includes the Middle East, just want to go about their daily lives.

Mostly, all of us want to enjoy our work, spend time with families and friends and relax on the sofa in front of Baywatch (it may be Gulfwatch in Iran). We don't want to get home and spend the evening cowering in a basement, lying in a bath covered with a plank of wood wondering if the world is about to end.

There are over six billion of us versus maybe a few hundred despotic, power hungry nutters that are spoiling it for everyone.

I say let's send a clear message. Let's start by sending Looking For Freedom by David Hasselhoff back to the top of the charts. Seriously, let's all buy it. And Hoff, if this does go to No. 1 in country after country, you have to donate it all to charities that help people who are affected by despots - otherwise you will be seriously un-cool.

We also need to remind our political leaders about the things that are actually important to us: our friends and family, going out for dinner, watching sports and of course, watching repeats of Knight Rider. Yeah it's not curing world hunger, but it's stuff that most people do all the time, it's what we take for granted and, in the end, it's what really matters.

So I'll start you off, I want Hasselhoff to be Secretary of State and bring peace to the world because:

1. I love my family and friends
2. I love watching sports
3. I love running along the beach in slow motion wearing red shorts.

Post your top three below. And let's do the same on Twitter. Here's an example: Enough is enHoff: I love America's Got Talent #peacehoffering

The time has come, the world needs the Hoff and it needs you too.

 

Follow Gareth Edmundson on Twitter: www.twitter.com/garethedmundson