THE BLOG

When Is It Right to Be Sad With Grief?

24/11/2015 13:09 GMT | Updated 24/11/2016 10:12 GMT

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I have discovered that no one is comfortable with sadness accept perhaps the person that is sad.

I have been sad for exactly one year, this is my anniversary of my sadness. Strangely enough I am celebrating this anniversary, not because I like being sad, in fact I hate it! Nevertheless I celebrate that sadness has not completely enveloped and sunk me.

My family suffer along with me and I cannot save myself let alone save them. It's lonely.

My friends suffer the loss of their friend and try to cushion my fall. If I cannot stop myself from falling, how can they? They say it has only been a year but they want it gone and they want me back.

Too often I do not know what is right or wrong or what is and I do not like not knowing. It is like quicksand and I cannot get a foothold. I do not know whether to let go or hold on. I just don't know.

I am sad for good reason, my younger brother died suddenly. I hate the empty feeling I can assure you I want to be a whole again.

What I do know:

  1. I am meant to feel sad until I am done needing to feel it.
  2. I am expected to feel it, all humans do, I am not unique, and I am quite ordinary.
  3. I will not snap out of it unless I have processed it all.
  4. I must live with it because if I cannot learn to live with it, I cannot live.
  5. I will become use to being sad but this does not mean I cannot be happy, and feel all the other emotions too.
  6. I will be changed, I am changing and will continue to change.
  7. This is the process of grief.

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Friends who have not felt grief do not know this pain, so stop:

  • Giving advice
  • Trying to fix it
  • Tying to empathise - you cannot!

Friends, please just say, "I am hear from you if you need to talk or sound off" and let us be sad.

Grief is a process and you will move through it in your own time. Don't let the discomfort of others force you out of your melancholy. Do not feel guilty for being sad, it is all part of your process.

For those suffering from grief all I can say is it alright to be sad.

The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of those depths. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

If grief is new to you do not think your feelings are wrong or that you should feel any other way or that you should not be feeling whatever you're feeling, it is OK to be sad. You are human and you will work it through in your own time.

Do not listen to inexperienced, albeit, trying to be helpful people, listen deeply to yourself. You know what you need, if you allow yourself the space to feel it. I know it is horrid but it is important to honour your feelings for you to begin to gain perspective.

Stop attempting to keep up with what you was before, before has gone, the present is how it is and the future is changed.

If you feel suck, seek help or roll with it and not against it.

Do not pretend it is OK when it is not. If someone ask you if you are OK, tell the truth. NO! Explain to your friends and colleagues that you are having a bad day, or that you have suffered a loss and you are working through it. You will be surprise how many people share your experience. Suddenly you and they are not alone.

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What is amazing is that you are able to function at all, but you do function very well in business and in life. It is just the quiet moments that is a struggle but you need those quiet moments to make space to grieve and make sense of life.

You have experienced great love and consequently will feel great loss. What is the point of having emotions if you cannot feel the power of them? Don't fear it, feel it - it is not only alright but it is right to be sad.

I hope my thoughts help you on your journey working through sadness and progressing in life.

I'm thankful for my struggle because without it I would not have stumbled across my strength. Anonymous