Peter Kellner
:Cameron's EU Tactics Backfire
Deborah Jack
:End Homophobia to Reduce HIV
Philip Mansbridge
:G8 or Too Late: Obama, Cameron and G8 Heads Must Tackle Ivory Poaching Crisis Now
European Parliament Web Team
:Homophobia: One-In-Four LGBT People Victim of Violence or Threats in the Last Five Years
Neil Durkin
:A Week's Delay Should Suffice: Is the UK Still Dragging Its Feet on Guantánamo?
While Julian Assange stares forlornly out of the front window of the Ecuadorian embassy like a bed and breakfast guest regretting ordering the full English the media is in disarray. How, they wonder, can someone who does something good (Wikileaks) also do something bad (rape)? It goes against everything Harry Potter taught us. Or something.
George Galloway is no stranger to saying stupid things. Last year live on his radio show he tried to explain to me why women don't make good comedians. Ooops.
Now he insists, despite a botched attempt at "clarifying" his remarks, that Assange is guilty only of "bad sexual etiquette". He refers to having sex with a woman who is asleep. Passing the lubricant to the right during group sex is "bad sexual etiquette". Having sex with someone who is asleep is rape. It simply is not possible to consent while sleeping.
He goes on to say that this is "not rape as most people understand it", which may be absolutely true but if so only serves to highlight how prevalent and dangerous myths about strangers and dark alleyways are. All the more reason for someone in a position of influence like himself to be careful to get it right.
Brendan O'Neill is suddenly supporting Galloway. He takes issue with the notion that "sex without consent is rape". It does seem a waste of time for him to be arguing this one with feminists when he could go argue with a dictionary.
O'Neill claims that in order for rape to occur we must prove "the man knows she did not consent, or was utterly reckless as to the question of her consent". The implication is that as long as you pause long enough for her to shout "no" or punch you in the face, it's no longer your problem.
Which leads me to wonder: How bad IS the sex these men are having? When I have sex I say things like "that feels great", "do that some more" and "let me go on top". There's no confusion about whether or not I'm consenting. Because I'm consenting enthusiastically. If I stop responding in that way, my partner asks if I'm ok and stops until I respond. Not because he fears a lawsuit but because he's trying to please me.
After all why do we have sex? There can only be two reasons: reproduction and pleasure. Sex for reproductive purposes requires a great deal of consideration and discussion around consent. Presumably no-one thinks "well she's asleep, she's not moving, that probably means she wants to have a baby with me".
And what pleasure are we getting from sex? Is it just our own sexual gratification? Are we simply using the other person as a human rag to masturbate on/in/against? That paints a deeply sad picture of human relations in the twenty-first century.
No, the proverbial joy of sex must be about pleasing the other person and enjoying their response and enthusiasm for pleasing you. In that context there is no mystic hinterland of confusion about consent. It's obvious. Or to put it another way:
Assange, Galloway, O'Neill ... you're doing it wrong.
Follow Kate Smurthwaite on Twitter: www.twitter.com/Cruella1
The Galloway link is a complete fail too. She comes across as dogmatic, defensive, as someone who is on her own train of thought and is only aware of her own train of thought.
There are good points made, but Galloway sort of hits the nail on the head, it would be "bad sexual etiquette", just as Smurthwaite does with her "Bad sex". Rather than rape, the woman got bored and fell asleep. Then awoke and here's Assange still going jack rabbit. It is possible. Smurthwaite considers no such possibility, gives no leeway – “it’s rape as the woman is asleep”. They’ve just agreed to sex and been going at it all night. She falls asleep – bad sex, bad etiquette – not rape. Put it down to a bad experience and move on, choose your bed partner more wisely next time.
Rape is too damaging and a seriously widespread problem to be dealt with in this way.
That said, if you've only just met the person, of course it is less clear cut and, personally, I'd be reluctant to test the water in such a manner. However, I THINK that is what Galloway was trying to say.
I agree with you totally on this. Luckily, most guys do not see women as a mere masturbatory tool, but for the ones who do (and therefore appear to think that what the woman wants or feels in the process is irrelevant) the message needs to be sent loud and clear that it is their responsibility to ask "do you want this" before sticking their penis into any oriface. If the woman is asleep, or drunkenly unconscious or in any other way incapacitated and therefore unable to reply - take it as a no or you are committing a crime against that person.
When I was a teenager, I had gotten too drunk but was in the company of friends at a small house party so felt safe. Whilst vomiting over the toilet, one of my friend's boyfriend came in and tried to snog me! While I was vomiting!!! What was going through his head? "Oh how alluring you are young girl vomiting, I can't help myself!". I bet if he had access to me while asleep he would have tried more. Not trusting the situation, once I got him away and stopped vomiting, I put myself to bed and locked the door. My friend blamed me for her boyfriend snogging me.
I hope he grew out of this trying to maul someone vulnerable stage and that it was teenage immaturity but who knows. I felt too weirded out to make a big deal out of it at the